My Dark Secret

[Alex McLeod]

You need to relax and stop intellectualizing if you want to break through this. You have created a deep issue due to guilt and misuse of power that just needs to work itself out. Perhaps go back to the time when this started and experience the series of events fully and without judgements. This will "complete" the incomplete energy, and allow you to stop the silly and useless thoughts about it and its results. Just my advice from a spiritualist's perspective.

[drunken boxer]

Hi Dan, I'd like to focus on one thing you have mentioned a few times, how Sifu teaches at a lower level these days according to you. Just to get things out in the open up front, I have to say I don't agree with that based on my experience, and don't believe it based on my thinking. (Others can comment if they agree with it though.)

What I wonder is, have you asked Sifu this question directly, have you asked him does he teach on a lower level now? Or have you mentioned to him in correspondence your opinion that he teaches on a lower level these days, and has he let that statement go unchallenged? If not, then I think someone should ask Sifu, and I think that someone should be you seeing as you are the one who believes it. I think you can see my logic at least.

On the other hand, if you have unilaterally declared this yourself, regardless of what Sifu, other students or instructors say, then you are basically saying that you know better than all of these. It is theoretically possible that this is true... but if so, then it is illogical to ask these less-informed parties for help, is it not, if you know better?

These comments are not meant in an abrasive, challenging, or in any sense unfriendly way. If I met you tomorrow I would like to think we would have a beer and plenty of laughs as usual - and I would not even bring these topics up assuming you didn't either. I just think they are the kind of stern, logical questions that it might help you to ask yourself.

[MaxP]

Heya Dan,

It sounds like you're starting to make some progress out of this conundrum, which is good. From your last post I get the impression that you're still really attached to the idea of 'low 'level' and 'high level', and comparing yourself now to your past results and experiences. I would just let all this go as it's not helpful at all. In my own experience, trying to intellectualize your way out of an intellectualization problem is ... not fun.

Sounds like the head pain is difficult and hard to ignore. In which case I would get it checked out by a doctor. Make sure you drink plenty of water and eat lots of fresh produce. If dairy was giving you trouble then maybe don't try and introduce that just yet. Chi Kung won't make necessarily you invincible against a serious food allergy overnight.

My sincere advice would be to keep practicing at the so-called 'low level' as Sigung advised you, and just forget about trying to go deeper all the time and reclaim your past experiences. It might be hard, but you've got to start where you are. You'll get to a better place eventually, but it will certainly be different than the place you used to be.

Questioning Sigung's advice all the time is just going to get you embroiled in doubt, intellectual fatigue and further misery etc. Practicing at a reduced depth will not deplete you - how could it when you're getting your energy flowing and relaxing? Now, thinking too hard, doubting, worrying, longing for the past or a different future - that'll deplete you.

Keep enjoying yourself and smiling from the heart everyday You'll get through this mate.

- Max