I have for many years been practicing meditation rather zealously and with our proper guidance. The practice was to keep and hold ones attention at the back of one's head in an attempt to crystalized my pineal gland. I did this with great vigor for many years and many retreats. My old friend/teacher implied that I should open my crown chakra as this was the “next step” in my spiritual journey. I started to work on the crown chakra during an extended retreat, (breathing into the center of my head from the back of my head and my third eye and exhaling through the top of my head) my absorption started to become very intense so I stopped the work fear I might go mad. After I opened my eyes, I felt totally disembodied. I felt like I was out of my body. Not knowing how to proceed, I decided to leave the retreat, and went home. The next morning I felt better. I again started to dabble foolishly with pranayama in the headspace and once again I was propelled into this dis-embodied, depersonalization state, only this time it was accompanied by intense kundalini energy, the energy was pushing my spine around and it even felt like it was shifting the plates of my skull. Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t get some sort of brain damage from the intense pressure in my head. The energetic centers at the top of my head and back of my head opened and it felt like I was getting pulled out of them. The back of my head felt like I blew a gasket and on the top of my head there was a constant thumping that lasted for months. I literally felt like I was getting pulled out of my body. I spent the next year or so in terror. I’ve been hospitalized and put on medications as a result.
This was 6 years ago. My life has been a living hell ever since. The only peace I can get it when I sleep. I barely have the will to get out of the bed in morning. The energetic phenomena has ceased but the depersonalization, dizziness, vertigo, blurred vision, memory loss, decrease of cognitive abilities and acute light sensitivity continue are just a few of the symtoms I experience. It feel as if I am is some sort of waking coma state. My life is almost unbearable as I have extreme difficulty doing day to day tasks, this in turn causes intense anxiety and depression. Whatever the hell happened to me is truly an enigma even in the spiritual community. I have traveled the states talking to different teachers, meeting with different physicians and I get the impression that none of them have even dealt with a case such as mine.
Recently, I started a detox type diet and started implementing belly breathing(without gaps) and downward body scan type visualization/meditation per instruction. I couldn't believe it I started to feel better! When one morning I woke up to deafness in my left ear and terrible tinnitus. The deafness has faded by the blaring tinnitus remains 4 months later. In many ways I feel worse off now then before. Do you believe these practices could help me? IS there someone in the community that might be able to offer me guidance and support? Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your responses.
This was 6 years ago. My life has been a living hell ever since. The only peace I can get it when I sleep. I barely have the will to get out of the bed in morning. The energetic phenomena has ceased but the depersonalization, dizziness, vertigo, blurred vision, memory loss, decrease of cognitive abilities and acute light sensitivity continue are just a few of the symtoms I experience. It feel as if I am is some sort of waking coma state. My life is almost unbearable as I have extreme difficulty doing day to day tasks, this in turn causes intense anxiety and depression. Whatever the hell happened to me is truly an enigma even in the spiritual community. I have traveled the states talking to different teachers, meeting with different physicians and I get the impression that none of them have even dealt with a case such as mine.
Recently, I started a detox type diet and started implementing belly breathing(without gaps) and downward body scan type visualization/meditation per instruction. I couldn't believe it I started to feel better! When one morning I woke up to deafness in my left ear and terrible tinnitus. The deafness has faded by the blaring tinnitus remains 4 months later. In many ways I feel worse off now then before. Do you believe these practices could help me? IS there someone in the community that might be able to offer me guidance and support? Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your responses.
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