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Meditation related illness, what can be done?

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  • Meditation related illness, what can be done?

    I have for many years been practicing meditation rather zealously and with our proper guidance. The practice was to keep and hold ones attention at the back of one's head in an attempt to crystalized my pineal gland. I did this with great vigor for many years and many retreats. My old friend/teacher implied that I should open my crown chakra as this was the “next step” in my spiritual journey. I started to work on the crown chakra during an extended retreat, (breathing into the center of my head from the back of my head and my third eye and exhaling through the top of my head) my absorption started to become very intense so I stopped the work fear I might go mad. After I opened my eyes, I felt totally disembodied. I felt like I was out of my body. Not knowing how to proceed, I decided to leave the retreat, and went home. The next morning I felt better. I again started to dabble foolishly with pranayama in the headspace and once again I was propelled into this dis-embodied, depersonalization state, only this time it was accompanied by intense kundalini energy, the energy was pushing my spine around and it even felt like it was shifting the plates of my skull. Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t get some sort of brain damage from the intense pressure in my head. The energetic centers at the top of my head and back of my head opened and it felt like I was getting pulled out of them. The back of my head felt like I blew a gasket and on the top of my head there was a constant thumping that lasted for months. I literally felt like I was getting pulled out of my body. I spent the next year or so in terror. I’ve been hospitalized and put on medications as a result.

    This was 6 years ago. My life has been a living hell ever since. The only peace I can get it when I sleep. I barely have the will to get out of the bed in morning. The energetic phenomena has ceased but the depersonalization, dizziness, vertigo, blurred vision, memory loss, decrease of cognitive abilities and acute light sensitivity continue are just a few of the symtoms I experience. It feel as if I am is some sort of waking coma state. My life is almost unbearable as I have extreme difficulty doing day to day tasks, this in turn causes intense anxiety and depression. Whatever the hell happened to me is truly an enigma even in the spiritual community. I have traveled the states talking to different teachers, meeting with different physicians and I get the impression that none of them have even dealt with a case such as mine.

    Recently, I started a detox type diet and started implementing belly breathing(without gaps) and downward body scan type visualization/meditation per instruction. I couldn't believe it I started to feel better! When one morning I woke up to deafness in my left ear and terrible tinnitus. The deafness has faded by the blaring tinnitus remains 4 months later. In many ways I feel worse off now then before. Do you believe these practices could help me? IS there someone in the community that might be able to offer me guidance and support? Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your responses.

  • #2
    Hey there Oolongmonkey (awesome username!)

    Welcome to the forum! And wow, what a mess. I almost admire your ability to so doggedly make things worse for yourself (at least that's how your text came across, forgive my sense of humor). For now, you might want to step away from doing any of those practices altogether.

    If you're looking to negate some of that damage done, all I can advise is for you to find a Wahnam teacher near you. You're from Chicago and America has excellent teachers. Look here:



    My personal bias suggests the Didyks, because they're cooool. Maybe you could contact them via their website and inquire about help/instructions? You could also attend a Wahnam Qigong course. And I suggest a beginner's course, because you might want to fix this from the ground up.

    A look at Sigung's (Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit) timetable shows that he has plans to teach in the USA in September/October this year. Not sure who is organizing it, maybe Sifu Matt Fenton? But that could be an excellent opportunity as well.

    My apologies if this looks as if I'm selling the Wahnam arts to you, but words alone will definitely not solve any of the issues you described. Trying this path will definitely not hurt and you'd definitely meet some cool people !

    In any case, I hope that some instructors will pitch in. Stay safe, alright?

    Warm regards,
    Fabienne


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    • #3
      Overcoming meditation related problems

      I am very sorry to hear of your health problems, that have been caused by wrong practice.
      Unfortunately, you are not the only one to suffer from problems caused by meditation. This is why we always emphasise learning from a living and good master.

      But the good news is, that by practicing genuine chi kung you may overcome your health problems.

      As Fabienne already suggested, your best choice is to contact directly our Shaolin Wahnam instructors who teach in America. You can find the list of SW instructors in www.shaolin.org

      You case seems to be due to energy imbalance and energy blockages, which can be readily overcome with correct chi kung practice.


      Best wishes,

      Nessa
      Nessa Kahila
      Shaolin Nordic Finland
      Instructor
      nessa@shaolin-nordic.com

      www.shaolin-nordic.com

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      • #4
        Hi oolongmonkey,

        My opinion on the matter is that, as your condition sounds serious, to train with Sifu Wong directly. It sounds like you've caused yourself a grave energy imbalance. Thankfully, Shaolin Cosmos Chi-kung is very good at fixing energy imbalances
        "Take a moment to feel how wonderful it feels just to be alive."
        - Sifu

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        • #5
          Not knowing how to proceed, I decided to leave the retreat, and went home.
          Did you ask for advice before you left? I didn't when doing meditation. However I asked some unnecessary question, putting my own judgement over my teachers. That was not a smart thing to do I think you might want to ask your first teacher, who conducted your retreats, if you haven't already. As he taught you, he should know the pitfalls and it's remedies. Do you respect your teacher as a master/sifu or just as a friend? This does make a difference. It can lead to you not following the instructions as they are meant to be, but as you think they should be. The best advice won't help if you don't value it (because you evaluate it on the person giving it) and of course act upon it accordingly. The same goes for the remedy.

          Other than that stick to the advice of Nessa, Fabienne and Alex. Good luck!

          Comment


          • #6
            Dear Oolongmonkey

            Your experience is a good example of what can go wrong with self-directed meditation and advanced "energy" practices. Obviously the risk of damage is bigger if somebody is very dedicated and eager to progress. Lucky are the lazy ones... Well not really, your dedication and a strong will to progress are also a blessing - these past 6 years must have been extremely difficult and yet you are not giving up. This is a blessing. And I am sure if you learn from this experience, find a path to health again, you can be a blessing to yourself and others.

            But back to now... I would drop for now any practice that involves visualization and mediation. My guess based on what you describe is that your energy is highly unbalanced and these practices will make it worse. High-level Chi Kung, practiced gently, will help you to balance your energy and clear out actual blockages. There are a number of exercises that should bring relieve relatively fast. An experienced acupuncturist might also be able to help you. Check the list Fabienne has posted above. If you attend the courses with Sigung (Sifu Wong) in the US you might want to let the course organizer know about this thread. Some courses might be more suitable than others.

            In the meantime I would recommend you spend every day some time outside. Go for a walk and enjoy the nature... spring... the flowers... the trees etc. You might not be able to do long walks in the beginning, that's fine. Just do what you can and enjoy it.

            Be well soon!
            Warm regards
            Andrea
            Last edited by Andrea; 6 April 2018, 10:37 AM.
            Enjoy some Wahnam Tai Chi Chuan & Qi Gong!

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