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1. I understand that it might feel scary to start looking at yourself in a positive way if you have been holding onto a negative view for so long. But all it takes is a decision.
2. Stop being miserable and allow yourself to feel happy, blessed, lucky to be alive. Actually being alive is a wonderful gift. If you are religious, feel grateful for this live, instead of blaming your god for wanting to help you, welcome his love and mercy.
1. To make that decision, you must want to change. I cannot want to change, this is what negaholism does. It's not that
i like it, but that's the nature of my disorder. That's why i will never make that decision.
2. Life is not a gift, it is our punishment for the original sin. Getting sick, ageing, dying, all that stuff is the consequences
of it. According to his law, God should have just left us like that, because that's what we deserve after comitting the
original sin. If he had done that, every person that has ever existed, from Adolph Hitler to Holy Mary, would have been
born destined to end up in Hell. God violated his own law to give us a chance to have eternal life, because he loved us,
but, myself, i don't want something that i know i don't deserve. After my death, i shall receive my eternal conviction
according to my lord's law.
Life is not a gift, it is our punishment for the original sin. Getting sick, ageing, dying, all that stuff is the consequences
of it. According to his law, God should have just left us like that, because that's what we deserve after comitting the
original sin.
I am sorry if this offends you, but this is not true. If your understanding of the Bible brought you to this wrong view, it would be good for you to burn it and stay away from churches.
Even when I was a Christian, I understood that the "original sin" referenced by the Church was the eating from the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This is written in Genesis. That means that the only sin is to not understand that the world in its entirety is God's creation, and by extension both a great thing, and also a piece of God.
The only sin here is that you, in your arrogance, think yourself more worthy of judgement than God is. The God that already passed judgement and said everyone deserves Heaven. For someone who wants so desperately to believe that you are powerless, you sure seem to want to take on God's job as well. Smile, and let him in.
Once during a healing session with Andrew Sipak from Switzerland I told him what I had. We talked in German. Suddenly he said something like 'No no you don't have it'. At first I didn't understand what he meant and I thought to myself 'What have I said?'. But then I understood that I should talk about pain and illness in the past tense. This was and still is an important lesson.
And now I think every person, every being is deep in the inside good. Pain and illness are manifestation of the bad. I don't want to be bad.
A few weeks ago I too thought something like your question. Why do I hold on to bad things? Do I really want to be happy? But then I thought the questions are not important because I have to do it anyway. Last December I was in hospital due to panic attacks and there have been panic and fear issues so far. I do not want to have these issues. This is the important point. In the past Buddhism gave me answers that helped me more than the answers Christianity gave me and that's why I believe that if I don't to it now I have to do it in the next life. It is my decision when to start, but in this life I have the opportunity.
Three weeks ago I made a plan. Every day I take a few minutes to smile from the heart. Often I do it a few times a day. I practice Chi Kung. Most of the time Hula Hoop. I discovered that I should avoid coffee because even a light one is to much. Every month in the next three month I compare the results of my practice with the goal which I want to reach. There have been up and downs so far but on the whole I am in a better position. And compared how I thought it would be and how it now feels it is is like walking on a treadmill compared to walking in nature going from a bad place to a place where things a much more beautiful and meanwhile there are more and more pretty things nearby.
I know more or less where I have started. I have had fear and panic attacks. I have had symptoms of narcissism. I know where I want to go. I want to be optimistic. I want to be confident. I want to value other people. I want to have healthy relationships especially with a girl. Later I want to have my own family with children, but first I have to be a good and healthy man and go every step to reach that goal.
Bernhard
Dear Bernhard,
Shaolin Chi Kung is really excellent in overcoming anxiety and panic attacks.
I am sure you have already been given great advice by Andrew Siheng.
Just keep on practicing and I am sure you will reach your goals!
Thank you so much for being great examples of kindness and compassion .
Dear Bernhard, thank you for sharing your experience. I really admire the courage and fight you show towards overcoming your own hurdles. I wish you every health and happiness for the future and believe you will, step by step, be the person you aspire to be, see the world in the positive way you want to see it in, meet a girl and start your own family. I believe you will achieve these things because you have taken the important first steps of wanting to make a change from your heart, then taken the “action” of practicing what you feel are the best exercises to help you overcome your hurdles. The exercises in this case is Shaolin Wahnam chi kung.
Lost Soul, you too have hurdles to overcome like most of us in life. Life hurdles are a part of everyone’s life. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have hurdles to overcome in their own lives but it’s these very hurdles which help us grow and become stronger as a person once we have overcome them.
I get the feeling that at the moment, you are not interested in overcoming your own hurdles, that you would rather lie down in front of them and feel miserable. You hold on to and justify your negative miserable feeling you have by only allowing into your heart, negative thoughts generated by yourself from what you read on the internet, bible or wherever. You have too much time to think and feed your monkey mind with negative thoughts. If this is where you want to be for the time being, it’s your decision and that’s fine. Nobody can walk through the door to a healthier and more positive life for you. You have to walk through the door yourself.
There are many at Shaolin Wahnam who have overcame illnesses and diseases more difficult than yours because from their heart, they wanted to overcome their own hurdles then took positive actions to do it. Personally, I would rather see you get up, find the courage and fight within your heart to take on your own hurdles, then take positive actions to start your journey towards a healthier and happier life.
1. The God that already passed judgement and said everyone deserves Heaven.
2. For someone who wants so desperately to believe that you are powerless, you sure seem to want to take on God's job as well.
1. On the contrary, God says we all deserve Hell. If you don't believe me, believe the bible verses, which are his word... Isa 64:6- Our righteousness is rags in God's eyes
Romans 3:23- We have all fallen short of the glory of god God decided give us a chance to enter Heaven, at the expense of his son's unfair sacrifice. But that doesn't mean he
changed his law; he just intentionally overlooked it because he loves us. According to his law and in his eyes, we will
always be filthy rags that deserve nothing more than Hell. And that thought, the thought that i cannot change the
fact that i will be forever rags in the eyes of my Father, will torture me even more if i go close to Him. His grace and
mercy will be felt as stabbing blades by me. I want to go to Hell.
2. God gave us free will. So, i choose Hell, for my own reasons, which i have explained.
I get the feeling that at the moment, you are not interested in overcoming your own hurdles, that you would rather lie down in front of them and feel miserable.
Well, yeah. How many times do i have to say this? This is exactly what negaholism is about. You may all keep thinking it's my
fault; that's what i'd believe too about someone else if i was lucky like you and did not have this disease.
Just consider how blessed your own lives are compared to mine and never stop appreciating it. Be happy in this world, then go
to Heaven and i hope that, over the rest of eternity, you will remember me from time to time.
Negaholism is a state of mind rather than a disease (as most would understand it). A Zen slap would be a good place to start (or did someone already mention that ?).
Thanks for the good wishes Lost Soul. Wishing you the same.
A Zen slap would probably be a good starting point
Andrew Sisook , my wife is an expert at that and would happily dish it out to me though I have to add, she has never received any Zen training. Explains why I have not had any awakening.
With the danger of coming across as harsh, but "Lost Soul" is not in a position where he wants to be helped. Negaholism is NOT a disease, especially not an incurable one (be that through Qigong or conventional therapy). I know exactly how it feels if someone is, for the moment, comfortable in just wallowing in whatever misery currently chosen. Am I speaking about myself? You'd be right in assuming so!
I also clearly see the neverending, loop-y thinking pattern in Lost Soul here. No matter what you may say, no matter how good the advice: It won't help until the affected person decides to break out of that pattern. Again, speaking from experience: As long as you're looking for and hiding behind excuses and justifications, no progress will be made. I've done that lots of times and will occasionally do that in the future I'm sure, so no judgment from me. You do you, but don't expect others to solve your issues for you.
To all people still showing compassion and wanting to help: kudos to you, but I think this is a lesson in letting go and waiting for the person to come around (or not).
Aaanyway, I hope you get back on track soon, Lost Soul! Misery might love company, but the company certainly doesn't love misery, so hopefully you'll soon be able to kick that habit!
To everyone else: Happy Training !
Warm wishes,
Fabienne
Last edited by Fabienne; 7 September 2017, 08:31 AM.
Reason: Grammar is my foe xD
No matter what you may say, no matter how good the advice: It won't help until the affected person decides to break out of that pattern. Again, speaking from experience.
I don't see how that can happen. It will never happen. I've been like this since i was 4.
Thank you very much Nessa Siguma and Martin Sipak both for your positive and encouraging words. I really appreciate it.
And yes Andrew Sipak has given me great advice in a very simple and direct manner.
With a smile
Bernhard
"No matter what you do, you must be clear in your conscience." - Sitaigung Ho
A single light can eliminate the darkness of millenia.
Every moment is precious.
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