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Thread: 10 Questions on Happy Family Life

  1. #51
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer -- Bonus 1

    Bonus Question 1

    How to pacify crying, angry, or temperal children, aged from babies to grown ups? How can the parents keep children from fighting each other?

    Atte

    Answer

    There are many ways to pacify crying, angry or temperamental children, such as giving them what they want, ignoring them, or use the occasion as an opportunity to teach them some good values.

    The many ways to pacify children can be classified into three groups Ė good, average and bad.

    Giving them what they want, especially when what they want is unreasonable, is bad. Ignoring them is average. Using it as an opportunity to teach them good values is good.

    Choosing a good response to a given situation, not necessary in pacifying children but in any situation, is a skill that needs mental clarity and energy. If one has no mental clarity, or if he has mental clarity but his mind is crowded by myriad thought, which is common to most people, he cannot differentiate tween good , average and bad. He may not even know that he can classify responses into these three categories.

    If he has no energy, he just cannot make a good decision.

    So, if you, like Atte who is Olliís brother-in-law, want to have mental clarity and energy, it is time to learn chi kung or kungfu, or both, from our school. It is useful to know that today genuine chi kung and genuine kungfu are rare, and to be able to use the benefits of genuine chi kung and genuine kungfu for daily living is rarer still.

    Many people will give children what they want. Some people may ignore the childrenís demand. Very few people will use it as an opportunity to teach the children some good values. They donít do so because they donít have the skill.

    If a child is crying because he wants a toy, give him the toy. But if he wants to ride on a motor-cycle which can be dangerous, tell the child that it is better to ride in a car. Take the child and your car for a ride.

    What good values has the child learnt? He has learnt that as he is too small, it is dangerous to ride a motor-cycle. He also has learnt that it is more comfortable to be driven in a car. It may, you never can tell, imprint on his childís mind that when he grows up he will buy a car instead of a motor-cycle.

    If a child is angry or temperamental because he wants to ride on a motor-cycle and he cannot have his wish fulfilled, tell him, even in his childish mind, that it is unhealthy to be angry and temperamental, and it is healthy to be happy. Here is a fact that even many adults may not know, and you impress this good value into the childís mind. Make him happy from being angry or being temperamental. You may, for example, perform some antics or clownish action.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  2. #52
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer -- Bonus 2 Part 1

    Bonus Question 2

    In your Q&A from May 2007 part 3 Question 1 (http://shaolin.org/answers/ans07a/may07-3.html) you mention that the cause of a broken heart is being in love with love. To be honest at first I didn't see any deeper meaning but now having more experience I have a slightly deeper understanding of what you meant. On a website about Buddhism I read that there are two kinds of love, unconditional love and conditional love also called selfish love. It is also mentioned that one should avoid conditional love. I think being in love with love is conditional love.

    Can Sigung please tell us the philosophical differences of conditional and unconditional love, how situations change due to this philosophical differences for example in finding a suitable partner, being in a relationship, having children and a happy family life and how to cultivate unconditional love and avoid conditional love?

    Bernhard

    Answer

    Many people are in love with love, usually without their conscious knowing. It is a part of growing up.

    John, for example, thinks that he loves Mary. It does not matter if it is another girl, who can be Elizabeth or Jane. If John is with Elizabeth, he things he loves Elizabeth. If John is with Jane, he thinks he loves Jane. Actually John is not in love with Mary, Elizabeth or Jane: he is in love with love.

    Love may be classified into two types Ė unconditional and conditional.

    Unconditional love is love without any conditions. A spiritualist loves people, irrespective of whether the people are rich or poor, kings or paupers. A Shaolin Wahnam member loves life, irrespective of whether the day is sunny or rainy, whether he is in a crowded city or on a lonely island.

    Conditional love is love with conditions, or at least one condition, although the conditions may not be mentioned or the lover may not consciously realize the conditions. A man, for example, loves a woman because she is pretty, or because she has some desirable qualities. If she is ugly or does not have the desirable qualtiies, he may not love her. Shaolin Wahnam members love chi kung because chi kung brings benefits. If chi kung does not bring benefits, they may not love it.

    Conditional love is called selfish because it has at least one condition that satisfies the self. A man loves a woman because she is pretty, which is conditional and selfish. Her prettiness is a condition and it satisfies the manís self.

    To be selfish is not necessarily bad. Self-survival for example, is a very important principle of life, and it is selfish. A man loving a pretty woman, which is selfish, can be good.

    On the other hand unconditional love is not necessarily good, though it usually is. A maniac with the unconditional love of raping women, irrespective of whether the women are young or old, pretty or ugly, is bad.

    (Part 2 follows)
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  3. #53
    Mark CH is offline Sifu Mark Hartnett - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Ireland
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    Brilliant I am looking forward to Part 2

    Best wishes
    Mark

  4. #54
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer -- Bonus 2 Part 2

    (Continued from Part 1)

    One should avoid conditional love if it is bad. If it is good, he should welcome it. Good is what brings benefits, and bad is what brings harm.

    Free sparring in most other martial art schools, and free sparring in Shaolin Wahnam are both conditional love. Practitioners in most other martial art schools and in Shaolin Wahnam love free sparring because it is a required condition in their schools and our school. Free sparring in most other schools where practitioners harm themselves with a generous exchange of blows, is bad. Free sparring in Shaolin Wahnam where our family members learn combat efficiency with proper combat application is good.

    Whether one regards being in love with love is conditional or unconditional, depends on his interpretation. If a man is in love with love, but the girl he thinks he is in love with must be one he likes, it is conditional. If the girl can be any girl, irrespective of whether he likes her or not, it is unconditional. Usually when one is in love with love, it is conditional.

    As mentioned earlier, conditional love is love with conditions, and unconditional love is love without conditions.

    A man loves a woman because she is young. Being young is a condition. When the condition changes, when the woman grows old, the man does not love her. Here is an example of how situations change due to philosophical difference. If he still loves her despite her age, then the love, which started as conditional becomes unconditional.

    In a relationship, as I mentioned in the answer you provided, an essential condition to love a woman is that she must also love you. If she does not love you, no matter how much you love her, you should leave her alone. However, if the situation changes, if she later loves you, you can love her, provided you havenít given your love to another woman.

    When you have children, you must love your children. It is because they are your children. It is conditional love. If you love other children too, it is unconditional love.

    Having a happy family life is conditional love. There are five conditions to attain a happy family life, namely to have get-togethers regularly, to say truthful things your family members like to hear, to let them live their own lives, to help them in times of difficulties, and to encourage them in words and deeds.

    We in Shaolin Wahnam cultivate unconditional love, though our family members may not realize it consciously. Every time we practice our arts, we smile form our heart. This makes us happy irrespective of where we are, and what exercise we sjhall perform. We find each day a beautiful day, irrespective of whether it rains or shines.

    We avoid conditional love only if it is bad. If it is good we welcome it. We love to practice our chi kung because it gives us good health, vitality and longevity. The conditions are that we must be relaxed and free of all thoughts. We love to practice kungfu because it gives us combat efficiency and internal force. The conditions are that we must use kungfu skills and techniques, and that we must not tense our muscles.

    <End>

    <All Questions Answered>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  5. #55
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    My Deepest Gratitude: Zen and Happy Family Life

    Dear Shaolin Wahnam Family,

    A big thanks to everyone again for taking part in this brilliant Q&A series!

    What an absolutely stunning finish by Sigung. I will repeat the last two paragraphs here with highlight so that everyone gets a second chance to reflect upon this.

    We in Shaolin Wahnam cultivate unconditional love, though our family members may not realize it consciously. Every time we practice our arts, we smile form our heart. This makes us happy irrespective of where we are, and what exercise we sjhall perform. We find each day a beautiful day, irrespective of whether it rains or shines.

    We avoid conditional love only if it is bad. If it is good we welcome it. We love to practice our chi kung because it gives us good health, vitality and longevity. The conditions are that we must be relaxed and free of all thoughts. We love to practice kungfu because it gives us combat efficiency and internal force. The conditions are that we must use kungfu skills and techniques, and that we must not tense our muscles.
    Although this was not a Q&A series about Zen, bits like this really captivated my heart. Zen is love, and life is wonderful.

    Last, but not least, I would like to give my special thanks and Shaolin salutation to Sigung who was very loving for agreeing to my inquiry and trusting me with managing the series. It was a great and fun learning process, which I treasure immensely.

    Now I will happily volunteer to convert this Q&A series into English and Finnish PDF editions to complete my part of the work.

    With sincere gratitude,
    Olli
    Last edited by understanding; 27th May 2017 at 01:29 PM.
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  6. #56
    Nessa is offline Sifu Nessa Kahila - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Finland
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    Thank you Olli for managing this thread, it has been an inspiration to read.

    Thank you Sifu for your wonderful answers and sharing your wisdom.


    Best regards,

    Nessa
    Nessa Kahila
    Shaolin Nordic Finland

    www.shaolin-nordic.com


  7. #57
    Mark CH is offline Sifu Mark Hartnett - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Ireland
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    Thank you Sifu for the wonderful answers

    Best wishes
    Mark

  8. #58
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    Ahh what a pleasure it is coming home from a great Chi Kung weekend with Sigung in Gutenstein Austria finding Sigungs answer.

    Thank you very much Sigung for answering my question and giving such a profound answer.

    Thank you very much Olli Sidai for your work and effort.

    All the best :-)
    o\
    Bernhard


    "No matter what you do, you must be clear in your conscience." - Sitaigung Ho
    "All great masters have advised that morality should be the basic of spiritual cultivation." - Sigung
    "Morality is the basic of spiritual training, but by itself it is different. Morality may or may not be spiritual." - Sigung

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