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Thread: 10 Questions on Happy Family Life

  1. #41
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    Charles David is offline Sifu Charles Chalmers - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by understanding View Post
    Answer


    1. Get together regularly.
    2. Say truthful things that your family member like to hear.
    3. Let them live their lives.
    4. Support them in times of difficulties.
    5. Encourage them in words and deeds.



    <End>
    Thank you, Sifu, as always!
    Charles David Chalmers
    Brunei Darussalam

  2. #42
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    Thank you :-)

    Dear Sifu,

    Thank you so much for answering my second question. It is always so wonderful to read your inspiring answers.

    Thank you for teaching me how to become a better person and make my family life happier. :-)

    Thank you again to Olli Sijat for facilitating this beautiful thread.

    With Love, Care and Shaolin Salute,

    Santi

  3. #43
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    Dear Sigung,

    How to deal with betrayal?

    It happens sometimes even in good, long term relationships, and causes a lot of pain.

    Is t wise to keep it going in reason of children?

    With Shaolin Salute
    Karol

  4. #44
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    Dear Family,

    We have received ten questions now and that is enough. Thank you so much everyone for contributing and asking excellent questions!

    I am very glad that Sigung kindly agreed on this series. Some of the answers are nothing short of absolutely stellar.

    Personally, this topic has a great signifigance and motivation to me. There was a turn few years ago when I really understood how important it is to have a happy family life and why everyone is obligated to cherish their family. It might be impossible to remain virtuous without sincere love and gratefulness we owe to our parents, teachers, and other providers such as employers.

    Thank you mother and father, and everyone else who ever helped to raise me!

    With sincere gratitude,
    Olli
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  5. #45
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 9

    Question 9

    What advice might you give for successfully balancing work obligations and a fulfilling happy family life?

    Parents with children all have the responsibility to provide for their families, but also to spend time with them and to establish a nurturing and a happy family life. However, for many people all over the world, just to provide for their family is a full-time job (or multiple jobs) which leave little time to their families.

    So what advice would you give for a parent or parents whose time is mostly spent working just to make ends meet and to fulfill the basic requirement to provide for their families, leaving little or no time for actually spending time with them?

    Sifu Markus Kahila

    Answer

    Enjoying a happy family life does not negate work obligations and does not take extra time. In fact, a happy family life will contribute to work obligations and making it happier to spend time for any thing.

    As an analogy, we can take health. When a person is healthy, it does not negate his work obligations and does not take extra time. In fact,, if he is unhealthy, it will affect his work obligations negatively and it will take him extra time to get well.

    In other words, the time with his family, without spending extra time, can make his family life happy, indifferent or sad. For example, when he interacts with his family, if he practices the five guidelines which I provided in another answer, which are 1. getting together regularly, 2. saying truthful things that his family members like to hear, 3. letting them live their own lives, 4. supporting them in times of difficulties, 5. encouraging them in words and deeds, he will have a happy life.

    If he is indifferent to them, his family life will be mediocre. If he says things they don’t want to hear, or forces his views on them, family members will dislike him..

    To have a happy family life, the person may not do all the five suggestions at the same time. At any one time, he may do only one suggestion, leaving the other suggestions for other times. Gradually he will find his family life become happy.

    Nevertheless, as a happy family life contributes to effective work performance as well as joyful living, it may be worth his while to spend some time a day to cultivate my five suggestions – mot necessarily all at the same time. In other words, by spending an extra 10 minutes to cultivate my suggestions, he will find that he will work less hours but p;oduce better results, and he is happy more often than he is indifferent or sad in his daily life.

    Of the five suggestions to have a happy family life, only the first suggestion takes some time. But even if a person does not spend time organizing for family get-togethers, he will waste his time elsewhere.

    Hence, your statement that for many people all over the world just to provide for their family is a full-time job, is not valid. The fact that they provide for their family shows that they care for the family. If other things were equal, they are more likely to have a happy family life. Indeed, those who do not provide for their family, usually have a poor family life.

    My advice for parents to have a happy family life, irrespective of whether they have little time or much time, is to practice the five suggestions mentioned above, namely have family get-together regularly, say truthful things that their family members like to hear, let them live their own lives, help them when they are in difficulties, and encourage them in words and deeds.

    Providing for the family is important. Having a happy family life, and having good health are also important. One must set priorities correctly. If parents spend all their time just to provide for the family, and neglect their happy family life or neglect their health, they are unwise. Similarly it is also unwise to neglect providing for their family or neglect their health.

    <Emd>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  6. #46
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    Andy is offline Sifu Andy Cusick - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Thailand
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    Dear Sifu,

    Thank you for this wonderful insight & advice

    Thanks also to Olli for starting this thread and Sihing Markus for a great question
    Sifu Andy Cusick

    Shaolin Wahnam Thailand
    Shaolin Qigong



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    "a trained mind brings health and happiness"
    - ancient wisdom

  7. #47
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 -- Part 1

    Question 10

    How to deal with betrayal?

    It happens sometimes even in good, long term relationships, and causes a lot of pain.

    Is t wise to keep it going in reason of children?

    Karol

    Answer

    There are different types of betrayals. Betrayals can be between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student.

    Although there are different types of betrayals, dealing with betrayals can be the same, but different people may deal with the different types of betrayals differently. In other words, three persons, A, B and C, may have three different ways of dealing with betrayals between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student, but each of the three persons will deal with the different types of betrayals the same way.

    A may forgive his friend, forgive his wife (or husband), forgive his son (or father), and forgive his student (ir master). B may be indifferent at his friend, indifferent at his wife, indifferent at his son, and indifferent at his student. C may be angry at his friend, angry at his wife, angry at his son, and angry at his student.

    To be forgiving, indifferent and angry represents three typical responses to a situation, which are good, average and bad. In real life, when betrayed, very few will be forgiving, almost none will be indifferent, and almost all will be angry. Some may want to take revenge, and a few, if not angry, will be sad.

    But I have classified the responses into three categories because they are the usual responses to situations. In some situation, such as health and attitude towards chi kung, most people will be indifferent, some good and some bad.

    Whether one’s response to betrayals is good, average or bad depends much on his philosophy of life. Most family members in our school will be forgiving, because that is how we have been trained. Two cardinal values in our school are wisdom and compassion. It is wise and compassionate to be forgiving.

    Although forgiving betrayals in our school forms the majority, it is a rare minority in general. As mentioned earlier, very few people in societies will forgive betrayals, almost all will be angry, and almost none will be indifferent.

    Why is it wise and compassionate to forgive? Leaving aside fine points of Cosmic occurrences which actually happen, betrayers may not know whether victims forgive them, but the victims will harm themselves if their response is bad, will be indifferent if their response is indifferent, and will be good if their response is good. It is wise to be good, foolish to harm themselves, and mediocre to be indifferent.

    How do victims harm themselves if their response is bad, if they are angry or want to take revenge against betrayals? The negative energy resulting from their bad response will clock up their natural energy network and bring about illness. In fact, in my many years of chi kung healing, I have discovered that a lot of so-called incurable diseases are due to blocked emotions. Even if the victims are not clinically sick, the energy blockage will affect many aspects of their daily life. Obviously, it is unwise to be sick or to have poor results in daily life..

    When a victim is angry, wants to take revenge or has any manifestations of a bad response to a betrayal, he (or she) not only negates compassion but actively approaches cruelty. It is not just subjective, i.e. cruel people may argue that to be cruel is better than to be compassionate, but cruelty brings harm as it causes energy blockage. Obviously, it is foolish to cause harm to himself.

    On the other hand, leaving aside altruism which we believe in and value highly, wisdom and compassion bring benefits. Indeed,, many people have kindly commented that I am wise and compassionate. I owe these desirable qualities to being forgiving.

    (Part 2 follows)
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  8. #48
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 -- Part 2

    (Continued from Part 1)

    Yes, even in a good, long term relationship, a betrayal sometimes happens, and it causes a lot of pain. But with wisdom and compassion, which we learn from our school, we can much minimize the pain. At an advanced level of our development, we may even change this problem of betrayal into an opportunity for development!

    My own experience may serve as a useful lesson. You can read the details from my autobiography, “The Way of the Master.”

    About 30 years ago in the 1980s I was bitterly betrayed by a chi kung master and some senior students of Shaolin Wahnam Association. I helped the chi kung master in some difficult situations, and offered him a post as a chi kung healer in a company I set up with two other partners. Yet, he betrayed me – bitterly.

    I taught senior disciples of Shaolin Wahnam Association secrets that most masters would keep as top secrets. One of the senior disciples told me, after just a few months of training, that his assistant instructor was very surprised when he countered a seemingly formidable attack. Another senior disciple, whom I gave money to in his difficulty, became famous for lion dance, and he performed a spectacular lion dance just one week after an appendicitis operation. I helped another senior disciple to become a kungfu and lion dance instructor in another school, and shared with him some highly paid remunerations in teaching kungfu and lion dance in another school.

    Yet, they all betrayed me. I transformed from a highly respected master to a bad guy in town, especially when I supported a world known master, Sifu Yan Xing of China, in distant chi transmission.

    But I forgave all of them. I changed their betrayals to opportunities for improvement. These senior disciples were the push factors for my travels overseas and subsequently established Shaolin Wahnam Institute. Chi flow, a hallmark of our school, was much influenced by the chi kung master who betrayed me.

    I forgave all of them and wished them well. One of the betrayers, who is not one of the three senior disciples mentioned above, but whom I specially taught Choe Family Wing Choon Kungfu when he requested it, would have died if not for my chi kung healing – at a time when his betrayal was still fresh.

    There was an interesting episode. A few years ago, students of former Shaolin Wahnam Association organized a dinner in my honour. As I entered the door for the dinner, an elderly, cheerful man came out to greet me. He looked familiar but I could not remember him. Later, another disciple told me that the elderly, cheerful man was the one who betrayed me, the one whom I saved with chi kung healing. He renounced the world and dedicated himself to spiritual cultivation. I was glad that he was happy. 30 years ago when he was my student, he hardly smiled.

    Whether it is wise to keep a relationship despite a betrayal for the sake of their children, depends on numerous factor, some of which are the life philosophy of the victim, how serious was the betrayal, and the age and understanding of the children.

    Suppose a wife had sexual affairs with another man, and the husband found it out, the husband may forgive his wife if he loves her dearly and the wife stops the affairs. After all, in modern societies there is no guarantee that a man or a woman does not have prior sex before marriage. If the husband has a poor philosophy of life and dislikes her, it is a valid reason, or an excuse, to divorce her, irrespective of whether they have children.

    If the husband is sexually inadequate but loves his wife dearly, and the other man is good, it is wise to keep the relationship, not only for the sake of their children, but also for the pleasure of his wife and the other man, as well as his own happiness despite his inadequacy. If they have no children, or if the children are big and understanding, he can divorce his wife after making sure the other man will marry her.

    If their children are small and the husband is sexually capable, but the wife finds it more pleasurable to have sex with another man, it is wise to pretend not to know although he knows of his wife extra-marital affair,s. He can have six with his wife whenever he can, or have sex with other women when his sexual urge is demanding.

    Such wisdom is rare. Most husbands will quarrel with their wives, and everyone involved suffers.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  9. #49
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    Dear Sigung,

    Thank You so much for answering my question.

    With Shaolin Salute

  10. #50
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    Dear everyone,

    You thought the we are all done already? Nope.

    I was a bit distracted for a while and forgot about two questions that I had already accepted, and so they were unintentionally skipped over. In his usual generosity and wisdom to turn problems into opportunities, Sigung kindly agreed to answer these two as bonus questions.

    I will provide these answers next week. Stay tuned for the conclusion!

    With sincere gratitude,
    Olli
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

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