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Thread: 10 Questions on Happy Family Life

  1. #31
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    Dear Santi Sisook,

    Quote Originally Posted by sancrica View Post
    I would like to ask a second question if that is possible.
    Why of course, anyone can ask a second question! It's another matter if I will qualify these in the 10 allotted questions.

    Thank you for your contribution, it's great that this wonderful topic is close to your Heart. Your second question is certainly good and I will have it in my consideration, but I would rather give a chance for people who haven't asked any question so far.

    We are in no hurry. If two better questions have not turned up before May, then I shall approve your second submission for the Q&A series.

    With sincere respect,
    Olli
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by understanding View Post
    I would rather give a chance for people who haven't asked any question so far.

    We are in no hurry. If two better questions have not turned up before May, then I shall approve your second submission for the Q&A series.

    With sincere respect,
    Olli
    Fair enough my dear Sijat. Looking forward to the rest of the answers.

    With Love, Care and Shaolin Salute,

    Santi

  3. #33
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 4 -- Part 2

    (Continued from Part 1)

    Another excellent way to share your love and joy with your family members, irrespective of whether they are in your immediate family or part of the Happy Shaolin Wahnam Family, is to have regular get-togethers. Such get-togethers may be picnics, outings or dinners.

    For your immediate family, you may have to organise such get-togethers. It is easier for our extended Shaolin Wahnam Family. Your regular class is a good get-together where you can practice your skills of sharing love and happiness. You can also attend my regional courses or intensive courses to share love and happiness with other members in other countries.

    It is common, especially in immediate families, that family members spend their time playing with their mobile phones instead of with other family members. You may have to suggest a rule that mobile phones are not allowed in such family gatherings. If anyone has to take an important call, he (or she) must do so briefly away from the gathering, and come back to the gathering quickly. If he does this often, he has to shut off his mobile phone. Taking calls is not as important as sharing love and happiness at a family gathering.

    A better way is to lead the conversation so skilfully that other people voluntarily shut off their mobile phones. The topics of conversation must be so interesting that they involve everybody in the gathering. And you must be ready to be a good listener, not speaking most of the time.

    You may, for example, start the interesting conversation by saying, “Mom, tell us how you keep our family together when we were small”, or “Dad, how ddi you spend time with our family when we were tiny children?“ If anyone is disinterested, for which you must be on the lookout, you can ask that someone what he thinks of the conversation. If his answer is short, like “Interesting”, ask him to tell the gathering what he finds interesting.

    You may need to pay for the gathering to get it going. Paying some money is certainly worthwhile for you to share your love and joy with your family members. Later, you may suggest that family members pay a share of the gathering, or take turns to pay for the gathering. If any of your family member is unable to pay his share due to financial difficulty, you may secretly pay for him without others knowing so that he will not feel embarrassed.

    If anyone does not attend the gathering, you can suggest a heavy fine. You may say something like “The gathering is honour for our dad and mom who sacrificed much for our well being. It is insulting to them if you don’t attend.” Of course you dad and mom won’t be paying for the gathering.

    If you follow these golden guidelines, you will make your family members more loving and caring for one another. The guidelines are:

    Recognise that different people, even your family members, have different needs and aspiration. Let them live the lives they want. Do not force them to live the lives you want.
    Say something pleasant and truthful in their presence. Do not say anything that may hurt their feelings or sensitive.
    Organise family gatherings regularly. Mobile phones are not allowed in such gatherings. Lead the conversation so that everyone will enjoy the gathering.

    But how would you develop these skills or abilities. These skills or abilities are related to mental clarity and internal force. If you have mental clarity, not only you realise the importance of having a happy family, you are also in a better position to acquire the skills or abilities for it.

    You need internal force to learn the skills and carry out the abilities. If you just know that having a happy family is important, that is not enough. You must be able to make your family happy. Internal force will give you the necessary energy.

    The training in our school gives us mental clarity and internal force. They will make our family happy if you carry out the suggestions mentioned above Having a happy family life is a wonderful value to cherish. But you need to put in some effort to be successful.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  4. #34
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    Thank you very much, dear Sigung, for your invaluable answer and guidelines. I have also already read it several times and every time it takes me even further and deeper. Thank you very much also for all the other precious answers, I hope many more will benefit from it.

    May we all enjoy a happy and healthy family life :-)

    Much love, Binia

  5. #35
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 5

    Question 5

    Sifu, how can we "slow down" time or at least change our perception about it in the phenomenal world?

    Sifu Leonard Lackinger, Shaolin Wahnam Austria
    Answer

    An excellent way to “slow down” time is to practice our Shaolin Wahnam arts. When I was younger and sparring with other martial artists, I could often “slow down” time. I could see their movements clearly and slowly as if they happened in a minute or two, when actually they happened in split seconds. Thus, in this “slow down” time, I could decide what counters to use.

    However, I could not repeat this ability at will. In other words, I could not decide when I wanted to “slow down “ time. This ability came spontaneously, often when I did not expect it.

    I believe some of our instructors and senior students have this ability, though they have not told me. However, Jean, the Chief Instructor of Shaolin Wahnam Canada for chi kung, told me an interesting experience. Her son, Peter, who also learned from me, was once at a party. He saw a young man falling down while performing a break-dance, which is a dance where people in a crowd toss a dancer in the air. He ran like in slow motion to help the young man, and picked him up before he hit the ground. In real time it happened in split seconds, but it was “slowed down” in time for Peter.

    I believe time “slowed doen” in a state of Zen mind. In other words, when we are in Zen mind, time may appear to pass slowly. Once I gave a solution to a difficult problem after walking seven steps, inspired by the story of seven steps a poem during the Period of Three Kingdoms in Chinese history. All participants at my Zen course in Hawaii and elsewhere could give an impromptu speech on an outlandish topic on the spot. I am not sure where this was “slowing down” time, but certainly it had to do with Zen mind.

    In Zen, or transcendental dimension, time does not exit. Time is a human construct in the phenomenal world. Even in rare occasions in the phenomenal dimension, time exists very differently from what we conceptualize it to be. Modern scientists have demonstrated that a sub-atomic participle may travel backward in time, and they believe that there are worlds in the Universe whose future is our past.

    We often change our perception of time in our phenomenal world, usually without our conscious knowing. It is well known that when one is happy, time passes quickly, and when he is sad, time drags on. I have travelled the world for more than 20 years, but it seems very fast. This is easily understandably as
    I teach appreciative students, see lovely places and enjoy delicious food.

    I don’t know how to “slow down” time, but all of us in Shaolin Wahnam know how to make time pass faster. Our training makes us happy, and being happy time seems to fly.

    Not only time seems to pass faster, we also produce better result no matter what we do. I told a class in Spain that we were 16 times more effective now than had we not practice chi kung! (U am now in Germany, but was in Spain before coming here.)

    Why are we 16 times more efficient? We are relaxed and focused, have mental clarity and internal force.

    A person is more efficient when he is relaxed than when he is tensed. He is more efficient when he is focused than when he is distracted. He is more efficient when he has mental clarity than when he is mentally dull. He is more efficient when he has internal force than when he has none. He is not just 4 times better. Because of exponential progression, he is 16 times more efficient!

    Indeed, we are blessed in Shaolin Wahnam.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  6. #36
    Markus Kahila's Avatar
    Markus Kahila is offline Sifu Markus Kahila - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Finland
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    Sifu,


    My question is this;


    What advice might you give for successfully balancing work obligations and a fulfilling happy family life?

    Parents with children all have the responsibility to provide for their families, but also to spend time with them and to establish a nurturing and a happy family life. However, for many people all over the world, just to provide for their family is a full-time job (or multiple jobs) which leave little time to their families.

    So what advice would you give for a parent or parents whose time is mostly spent working just to make ends meet and to fulfill the basic requirement to provide for their families, leaving little or no time for actually spending time with them?


    Respectfully,
    Markus Kahila
    Shaolin Nordic Finland

    www.shaolin-nordic.com


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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 6

    Question 6

    Some people believe that each soul chooses their parents before incarnating into this life. Is there any validity to this belief?

    Sifu Kevin Barry
    Answer

    This is a popular belief held by many people both in the East and the West. Personally I think there is some validity in this belief, though it may be difficult to prove it scientifically.

    It is also believed that the person chose his parents for some specific reasons, like learning some important lessons in life. This is especially significance for people who have an impact on the world. Nui Leng, the Sixth Patriarch of Zen, for example, was born to an illiterate family so that he too was illiterate. Un this way it was better for him to understand and practice Zen, which was beyond intellectualization.

    Whatever its validity, we must be very grateful to ur parents. The Buddha says that if a person carries his invalid father or mother eryday evon his shoulder for 50 years, not in one lifetime but in 500 life-times, he would not have repaid the debt he owes his father or mother.

    The father and mother provided the first energy for being a person. According to chi kung philosophy, this energy is stored in the kidneys and becomes the prenatal energy. One could not change his pre-natal energy. Chi kung training can change the post-natal energy, like making him healthier than other people, bot not the pre-natal energy.

    For example, if a personis born with black skiln, which is due to his prenatal energy, not matter what he does he cannot change his skin to white. Nevertheless, any person uses only a portion of his pre-natal energy, which means he can improve it. For example, a person uses only about 10% of his intelligence. By increasing the use of his intelligence, like by training in our school, for example, he can become an intelligent person from a normal person.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  8. #38
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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 7

    Question 7

    Genesis 22 tells the story of the Binding Of Isaac: God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac on Mount Moriah. As we know from the narrative, Abraham duly complies - his obedience to God's will sets him on course to commit a truly barbaric act that violates all notions of parental love and basic human decency.

    Just as he is about to kill his son however God intervenes: “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” (Genesis 22:12)

    What can we learn about Abraham from this story Sigung? Are we to admire him for his faith or be horrified by his actions? Or maybe both?

    Are there any circumstances in our lives when our duties to our family and loved ones should be set aside to serve a higher need or some higher power?

    What can we learn about God and what it is to be human from this story Sigung?

    Sifu Kevin Barry
    Answer

    In this context, there are two types of wisdom – God’s wisdom and human wisdom. From the context of God’s wisdom, Abraham was right, and God intervened in time to save Abraham’s son and commented on Abraham’s faith. From the perspective of human wisdom, many people would be horrified by Abraham’s intended action.

    From the story, we can learn that Abraham had absolute faith in God. Whether we admire Abraham for his faith, or be horrified by his actions, depend on how religious and intelligent we are. Those who do not believe in God, irrespective of whether they are intelligent, will not admire him. Amongst those who do not admire him, those who value parental love, will be horrified, and those who do not value parental love, will be indifferent. Others who are cynical, may regard Abraham as a fool.

    The intelligent may question whether it was really God’s will. They may question whether it was the Devil acting like God.

    One may also comment that Abraham’s actions demonstrate blind faith. Blind faith can be good, as it saves people, even when they are intelligent, from the troubles of much intellectualization and speculation. But blind faith can be exploited by others who have evil intentions, like using God’s name to kill or terrorize.

    Yes, there are circumstances in people’s lives when their duties to their family and loved ones could be set aside to serve a higher need or some higher power. But whether they would do so would depend on a few factors, especially on how strongly they value their family and loved ones compared to their faith, blind or otherwise, in a higher need or some higher power.

    For example, in wars some patriots sacrificed their family and loved one or themselves for their country. I knew of a devotee whose faith in his religion was so strong that when his girlfriend was sick, he forbade her from seeing a doctor. His girlfriend eventually died. Although he made a grave mistake, one cannot be sure whether it was good for the girl’s spirit. She was released from the phenomenal world full of suffering.

    Different people at different stages of spiritual development will have different concepts of God To most people who believe in God it is God the Father in heaven, or by any name God the Father is called in their language. For those who believe in a polytheistic religion, like the ancient Roman and many modern Chinese, the believe in gods, who are more powerful than humans but may have human weaknesses, like they can be jealous of other gods. For those who do not believe in God or gods, their physical life is all that is.

    For those who are of a very high spiritual stage, beyond God the Father is God the Holy Spirit, or by whatever terms God the Holy Spirit is called. He may be called the Spiritual Body of the Buddha, the Tao or the Supreme Reality. Scientists may call Him the universal spread of energy where there is no differentiation.

    Hence, different people at different spiritual stage may learn different things from the story. The religious will regard Abraham as a model to be followed. The skeptical will regard Abraham as foolish. The highly spiritual will regard that there is no difference whether Abraham killed his son. Eventually, there is nothing but God, or an undifferentiated spread of energy

    Similarly, different people may learn different things from this story. The intelligent will learn that one should find out whether that was God’s will before Abraham took action, i.e to kill his son according to God’s will or to ignore God’s will. The not so intelligent but religion will learn that they must follow God’s will or the proxies of God. The not so intelligent and not religious will learn that Abraham was silly.

    Intelligence is needed to make good decision. We are very lucky that in Shaolin Wahnam, we do not just learn kungfu and chi kung, but also cultivate our intelligence, like in Zen, which is not religious.

    <End>
    Last edited by Kevin_B; 19th April 2017 at 10:08 PM.
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

  9. #39
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    Kevin_B is offline Sifu Kevin Barry - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Ireland
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    Thank you Sigung for a truly magnificent lesson in Cosmic Wisdom. There is a mountain of knowledge for us to reflect on in your answer.

    Thank you Olli for the great idea for the thread and also of course for managing it.

    All the best,

    Kevin
    Wahnam Tai Chi Chuan and Shaolin Chi Kung classes in Dublin

    http://www.taijiquan.ie/

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    Happy Family Life Question and Answer 8

    Question 8

    If you were to decide the 5 most important aspects for having a happy Family Life, which ones would they be and why?

    Santi
    Answer

    The five aspects I believe are most important in contributing to a happy family life are as fSay ollows.

    1. Get together regularly.
    2. Say truthful things that your family member like to hear.
    3. Let them live their lives.
    4. Support them in times of difficulties.
    5. Encourage them in words and deeds.

    Having a happy family life is not just in words and thoughts; it is in action. In other words, you do not just say you have a happy family life, or think that you have a happy family life. You must actually have a happy family life.

    If you hardly see your family, it is impossible to have a happy family life. You may say your have a happy family life, or think you have a happy family life, but you don’t have the opportunity to have a happy family life.

    There are many ways for your family to get together. You may have a family day once a week, a fortnight or even a month. You can have a meal together at a restaurant, go outing together, or go shopping together.

    If you succeed in getting your family together, you have an opportunity to make your family members happy, and enjoy a happy family life. However, if during the get-together, you start saying things they don’t like to hear, you will have adverse effects. Not only you will miss opportunities to enjoy a happy family life, your family members may dislike or even hate you. Hence, you need to say things that they like to hear. But you must be truthful.

    You need to support your family members when they are in difficulties. Your support can be, but not necessarily be, in money. Giving money to family members in times of their needs will be very helpful. They will often remember your kindness, but you should never expect them to return your kindness or to repay you. It is best to do so in confidence, as your family members may not want others to know. If you do not give them money, say some encouraging words.

    If your family members are not in difficulties, you can encourage them in words or in deeds. Your encouraging words or deeds should bring them benefits. For example, if they have a lot of free time, you can encourage them to take up a beneficial hobby. If they have extra money to spare, you can encourage them to go for a holiday. Family members often remember your encouragement, which will in turn contribute to your happy family life.

    If you start to follow these five steps, you will find that your family life will become happy.

    <End>
    On my way to understanding the greatness of gratitude.
    Thank you Sifu, Sigung, and Past Masters!

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