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How Can a Shaolin Practitioner Maintain His/Her Family Happy

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  • #16
    Great topic, great responses.
    Originally posted by Zhang Wuji View Post

    The rest have already listed the "what" and "how" which I agree with. My own mini-contribution is that as a father, I need to spend time with the family. These days, "quality time" has become an empty catch-phrase, as if one must maximise the limited time one is willing to fork out for teh family
    Completely agree with the above. Sigung mentions this in a relevant Q&A.
    For me, quality time equates to mindfulness. I strive to be intentional and fully present when I'm with my wife. Something I learned and had reinforced recently is the simple act of listening. It means turning off my own monkey mind when my better half is talking, and really being present as a listener. It means portable electronic devices get stowed at meal time. It means sharing an awesome sunset and not worrying about how many Likes mu last Facebook post got. So many distractions exist in the modern world to take our attention away from those we love. I think in this day and age, someone's undivided attention has almost become a precious resource. God knows my attention is a dwindling resource...

    (sidenote: because I believe in yin yang harmony, I do think that after a certain point in the meal, the phones can come back out )

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Maxime View Post
      "Sifu, as Shaolin practitioners, what can we do to ensure that our family life remains happy? I am refering to our immediate family: spouse, brothers and sisters, parents, children..."
      The Ends : Happily fulfill your family obligations and happily lead by example ( ie be a happy person ) .

      The Means : Practice the Shaolin Arts

      Damian Kissey
      Shaolin Wahnam Sabah , Malaysia .
      www.shaolinwahnamsabah.com

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      • #18
        Thanks everyone for all your nice answers!

        I will come back on Sunday and share with you Sifu´s answer to my question. I can already say that of couple of you guys totally hit the nail

        Enjoy your weekend,

        Maxime

        Maxime Citerne, Chinese Medicine, Qigong Healing & Internal Arts

        Frankfurt - Paris - Alsace


        France: www.institut-anicca.com

        Germany: www.anicca-institute.com

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        • #19
          I will now report Sifu´s answer from memory, as there is no record from it. Please remember that the question was how one can maintain his/her family happy (i.e, providing that we are already applying correctly the arts such as Smiling from the Heart, good morality, good flow, etc.). Sifu´s answer is very, very practical :


          "The first step is to invite the whole family for lunch or diner once a month, twice a month or preferably once a week. Make sure that the whole family is there. Use your leading skills to kindly invite those members that would not be very fond of getting out; kindly leave them no choice (for example, by joking that if they don´t come you will come and pick them up anyway).

          Use of mobile phones during the diner should be prohibited, or at least restricted (for example, if one of the family member is waiting an important call, he/she might be excused for a couple of minutes, but that call should not be too long); we do not want family members bending their head on their phone and disconnecting themselves from the current discussion.

          Another important point is that family members should all talk to each other during the diner; be careful that the family meeting doesn´t turn out as a meeting of several little groups separated one from another. This point is important. Everyone is encouraged to participate with everyone, from the most juniors to the most seniors. If a family member is financially unsecure, invite him/her; if by a feeling of pride this offeral is refused, you can find another way so that his meal is fully paid without leaving a feeling of discomfort. For example, you can tell him/her that all the family already had placed a financial pot beforehand for that diner and that the costs are already covered.

          The share of the costs do not suffer rigid rules; you can invite the members one time, and the next diner would be covered by someone else; or you can create a "diner pot" [Maxime personal note: Sifu did not use exactly this expression, it is mine, but the meaning was there] where everybody is participating according his/her own possibilities.

          Once those general guidelines are understood, it is important to choose one or several discussion subjects beforehand. We do not want to reach a stage where everybody is silent and the diner uninteresting. Those discussion subjects can be related to the current activities of one member; for example, if a member has started to write a book, a good start for the diner would be to ask this member to tell us how is his project going on, what are the exciting points of writing such book, or the challenges associated with. Usually, people are fond to talk about their hobbies or passion, so we can take advantage of that and a lively discussion can easily follow. Alternatively, discussion could arise over other subjects as well, preferably family oriented [Maxime personal note: from what I also felt from this discussion with Sifu, an unwise choice of discussion would be politics or any kind of delicate or negative subjects that might not tight up the members together, but oppose them].

          As some family members might be shy of talking in front of everybody, it is up to the Shaolin practitioner to take the initiative in such case. Make sure that the general atmosphere of the diner is light and happy; eventually, members whom you haven´t seen for a while might be surprised at your glowing face and smiling attitude: you can take such opportunity to highlight the wonders of practicing Shaolin Arts. Smoothly make those shy members comfortable enough to finally participate to the discussion.

          At any point during the diner (when suitable), family members can also start a song altogether; do not hesitate to take the lead and start the song yourself. Singing is a great way of bringing people together and create an harmonious energy during the diner.

          Making gifts can also be part of that diner process. Family members can choose, at each diner together, to offer a gift to the most junior member (for instance, a young child would get a toy, etc.), or to the most senior member, or to the two of them. During that family reunion, members can also choose to alternate the gifts (once for the senior, once for the junior). There are no rigid rules."


          I hope you enjoyed Sifu´s answer and I trust that my own "transcription" of it conveys all of its important features.

          Maxime

          Maxime Citerne, Chinese Medicine, Qigong Healing & Internal Arts

          Frankfurt - Paris - Alsace


          France: www.institut-anicca.com

          Germany: www.anicca-institute.com

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          • #20
            ^^This is great advice!

            (although by now we are used to Sifu giving great advice!)
            Sifu Andy Cusick

            Shaolin Wahnam Thailand
            Shaolin Qigong

            sigpic

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            "a trained mind brings health and happiness"
            - ancient wisdom

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            • #21
              Dear Maxime Sisook!

              Thank you for sharing Sigung´s advice with us!
              It is indeed a great and an important one!

              Cheers!
              Anton
              Engage and maintain joyful practice!

              May all of you get the best benefits from what you do.

              Anton Schmick
              Shaolin Wahnam Germany Nord

              shaolinwahnamchina.com
              http://chikunghamburg.wordpress.com
              http://shaolinwahnam-nord.de
              http://kungfu-luebeck.de

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              • #22
                Thank you Sifu for the advice and Maxime for sharing with us
                Damian Kissey
                Shaolin Wahnam Sabah , Malaysia .
                www.shaolinwahnamsabah.com

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                • #23
                  Thank you, Maxime Sihing, for sharing Sifu's advice.

                  Joko
                  开心 好运气
                  kai xin... .......hao yunqi... - Sifu's speech, April 2005
                  open heart... good chi flow... good luck ...
                  ------------------------------------------------------------
                  Have we not opened up thy heart ...? (The Reading, 94:1)
                  ------------------------------------------------------------
                  Be joyful, ..and share your joy with others -(Anand Krishna)

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                  • #24
                    Thank you Sifu for the advice and thank you Maxime for starting this thread and sharing it with us.
                    Thank you dear brothers and sisters for your inputs that show an open heart and wonderful intentions. May your families be happy.
                    .•´¯`•.¸¸.•´¯`°irene°´¯`•.¸¸. ´¯`•.

                    ---------------------------------------
                    “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”
                    Hafiz

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