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Thread: Small Universe Course - Toronto 2014

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Small and Big Universe Course Diary - Part 7


    One week has passed since the Small and Big Universe Course. I think that it should be called the Small and Big Changes Course. I cannot stop feeling overwhelmed by the power and immensity of the one called God.

    I am going through deep cleansing and lot of tears have happened today. I was missing so much my mother that I called her today. I donít usually cry when I talk to my mother but today was different. I felt a deep heart to heart connection. I felt my mother in the way I was feeling her as a child. I could not stop my tears but I tried to hide them in a way that she didnít notice as I didnít want her to worry.

    It is very a humbling experience to accept help from others. It makes me realise how powerful help can be for my life and how easy is to progress once I have the right approach. Opening my heart to the help I need is probably the hardest but also the most useful thing that I have ever done. I have discovered that, when I sincerely ask for help, help is always coming.

    Moving apartment is shaking a bit the floor where I stand. I have realised how much can a simple change mean in my life and how much one change can affect to the rest areas of my life.

    The reason why the move is creating insecurity and anxiety in me is because I have been using my room for the past three years to heal myself. Lot of tears came there and lot of wisdom has been transmitted within those walls. I feel the protection from the above and the high beings in this room more than anywhere else. I feel very safe there.

    When moving my things to the new place I have realised that this room has contributed to my healing in indescribable ways. It gave me peace when I could not find it anywhere else. I am now a complete different person than the one arriving to that room more than 3 years ago.

    It was very emotional to remember that I landed into that room full of anger, depression, anxiety, worry, sadness, insecurity and an immense suffering and realise that many of those things are now healed, strengthened and nourished. It was special to be aware that those walls have seen a tremendous transformation in the past 3 years.

    Two days ago a friend from work posted in her Facebook the pictures of her flat as she is leaving Dublin. She is moving to Barcelona as her boyfriend found a job there. She promised me that, whenever she was leaving Dublin, she would offer me her flat first than anyone else. She did as promised. This flat it is only 50 euros more than the one that I just rented but it is many times better. Interestingly, this flat is in the same exact complex where I live now.

    My heart tells me to move there even if I lose the deposit from the other flat that I just rented or even if the landlord gets upset for leaving the flat so soon (I just signed the contract 2 weeks ago).

    I got this flat just before going to the Small and Big Universe Course in Toronto and the other new flat just showed up after I came from the Small and Big Universe Course. Big lesson for me to understand that big decisions should be taken after Small and Big Universe Course and not before. This new flat would have come even if I didnít rented this other flat before the course. Needless to say, I did not know that then but I now know how powerful the Small Universe Course is.

    I often ask God to show me the way in a form that I can understand. I am unsure of what to do. My heart wants me to move to the other flat even if I lose a significant amount of money. I asked God if I should move to that flat and the answer was a straight Yes.

    I must admit that, what is happening, is sometimes overwhelming. I know that all these changes are for good and I just have to trust God with all the plans that he has for me. I feel that it is a test of courage for getting back on track so I can achieve what my heart really wants even when I have to face some loses, difficulties or adversities.

    Not taking any action has been stopping me from getting many things in life so I decided to change that. The flat that I just rented wasnít perfect but fulfilled the goal of living on my own. Later, I am having the opportunity to get the flat that I just want so I am going to take it. As Sifu remarked in the 36 Strategies Course in Saint Valentines Festival "Apply one strategy. If it does not work, apply another strategy". This also reminds me to ďSequence 7Ē.

    When I called my mom this morning I asked her for advice. She told me that if the change is for the better I should take the flat even if I lose some money. I might lose some money but I will gain in happiness. She gave me her full support on this and even offered helping me with money.

    Sometimes I feel bad when taking my parents money as they already gave me enough. My mom told me that parents feel always happy to help their children and that she prefers to give me the money now that she is alive or when I am going through some difficulties instead of receiving it as a heritage when I might not need it anymore.

    My parents have always helped me in all my adventures. They have always supported me when I faced difficulties being abroad. I made many mistakes and they always helped me to solve the problems that I had.

    I think that my emotions are a total mess just after the Small and Big Universe Course. I have been feeling incredibly spiritual and I had to go to church praying for help and advice often. The advice and help came in form of tears. Deep cleansing have been happening throughout the day. I have been walking in the street feeling connected to every being that I faced. It was a very humbling experience. I cannot really explain what happened in Toronto but I felt an incredible force guiding me.

    I somethings face a lot of fears and insecurities when I go through this cleansing. When that happens I just pray and ask for help. Help always come. When I pray from the heart help always comes fast.

    Accepting help makes me feel very compassionate. Because of that, help comes in the most diverse ways. Through the smile of a stranger, through street musicians playing a song that comforts me, through the kindness of a waiter, through the words of a loved one.

    I realised that help is always available. I just have to put no conditions and accept the help in the format that might come. The more I accept that help the more thankful I feel. The more thankful I feel the happier people feel when helping me. It is like an endless circle.

    Since the Small and Big Universe Course I have been feeling the energy going up through my spine and opening like tree branches in the top of my head. It is a very comforting feeling. It nourishes a very special part of my spirit. It is opening a sense that lets me feel things in a whole different way.

    I am not sure of what Sifu has done in this course but something has opened deep inside. It is like if I was able to feel my true nature. Everything starts in my heart. It is calling me and it is like if I was walking home. I feel the call stronger than ever and it is attracting me like a flying insect gets attracted by the light bulb in a dark night.

    I think that this is the course where I followed instructions in the most relaxed way. This is the softest course that I have ever experienced. Sifuís teachings seem to be more Zen than ever. It is so soft that I didnít even realised how much the course has changed in me and in my life.

    The truth is that I will never be the same again. When I landed in Dublin I felt the change in a more obvious way. I remember Sifuís words: ďGod wants us to be richĒ. I think that I am starting to understand what he means. I am allowing God to take my hand. I am now trusting him and letting him lead me to where I belong.

    It is true that Big Universe is incredibly spiritual. Though I am a bit scared and afraid of the changes I must admit that I see the hand of God in many events that have happened since I arrived from Toronto. Though I cannot understand them I can feel them and I learned to trust them.

    To be continued...

  2. #42
    Andy's Avatar
    Andy is offline Sifu Andy Cusick - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Thailand
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Thanks for this inspiring account of the course and the profound changes generated!
    Sifu Andy Cusick

    Shaolin Wahnam Thailand
    Shaolin Qigong

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    "a trained mind brings health and happiness"
    - ancient wisdom

  3. #43
    Kevin_B's Avatar
    Kevin_B is offline Sifu Kevin Barry - Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Ireland
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Dublin, Ireland
    Fabulous post Santi. Really moving and wonderful.

    It was a pleasure and an honour to learn the Small Universe with you in Toronto 2014. It brings me much joy to see such wonderful benefits manifest in you.

    See you soon amigo,

    Wahnam Tai Chi Chuan and Shaolin Chi Kung classes in Dublin

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Thanks :-)

    Dear Dominic, Andy Sidai and Kevin Sijat,

    Thank you very much for your kind words. I am very glad that you are enjoying my posts. :-)

    With Love, Care and Shaolin Salute,


  5. #45
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Small and Big Universe Course Diary - Part 8


    It is Mother's Day back in Spain so I called my mom. Since I came from the Small and Big Universe Course I feel more connected to my mother and I actually can feel that she shares more with me.

    As I mentioned before, I have been offered to live in a new flat. I was a bit scared of such an amount of changes in so short period of time. Today I saw the new flat and it is many times better than the previous flat that I just rented. It is just the perfect place for me. I can feel it in the heart.

    It is amazing how these arts work. I still donít understand them and I am starting to realise that I might have to accept living with that mystery for the rest of my days.

    This force that is lately leading me is so strong that I just have to let it lead me even if I donít understand where it is taking me. I have learned to trust it and to go with it. I sometimes think that it is crazy to follow my heart in such a way but I then realise that this is probably the way life should be lived and I might have been missing the powerful flow of life all this time for not having done so.

    I just talked to the Landlady and she is really nice. She confirmed me that I can stay in the new flat so I now have to talk to the other Landlord and try to find the best way to end the contract. I feel very happy with the change as I now feel that I can really start a home. The other flat wasnít really nice but renting in Dublin is becoming almost impossible. As I wanted to live on my own I had to sacrifice quality.

    Interestingly, I have been searching for a flat since past November and I could not find any and in the past 3 weeks I have been offered 2 flats in the same place where I live. It really sounds crazy. The funny thing is that I did nothing in order to find them. They just came to me like magic.

    In the past, it would have taken me a long time to decide if joining this opportunity or not. Now I grabbed it without even thinking. I know that I might have to face some inconveniences but I still prefer to loose some money and live in the place that I want than missing the opportunity and regret later.

    Following my heart always feels really good. To be honest, I have never been very good in following my reasoning. My heart always speaks really strong and, if I donít do what it tells me it drives me crazy until I am following the direction that it is pointing me. That is the main reason why all these years I had such a bad time. I wasnít properly following my heart due to my intense fear of failing and loosing.

    When I follow my heart I feel in peace. I feel the balance and the harmony of every action that I do. When I follow my heart every action nourishes my spirit. Most of the times, my reasoning does not agree with my heart and they have a little fight. Somehow, my heart is always stronger and I finally do what it says.

    I feel much more courage since the Small and Big Universe Course. I feel brave but not violent. I feel the courage through the non violence. I feel the courage coming from the righteousness. Being firm, forceful and peaceful.

    For some strange reason today I am incomprehensibly happy. Something big is happening deep inside though I donít know what it is. It feels like recovering from old wounds. It feels like having found something that I have been searching since times that my memory can not reach. It feels like having found water after wandering in the desert for endless days.


    Sitting in my new apartment I realise that I will be here for just a month and a half as I have finally agreed to live in the other new apartment. I decided to go with the heart though I might not understand very well why I have been taken there.

    Something in the Small and Big Universe Course has changed me forever. I donít know what it is. Though I donít know what it is I still can feel it. I accept Sifu in my life and what it is more important, I accept Sifu in my heart.

    Since I opened my heart to Sifu, the transmission is very pure. It is not coming through words. That is why I can hardly notice when he is teaching me. I realise how immense the transmission is when I arrive home. This transmission is so soft and delicate as the transition between the day and the night. It is hard to say when it happens but it happens.

    I feel that I act more with the heart. I am less afraid of the consequences and I tend to accept more what is happening. I am starting to embrace life events as part of my adventure, part of my story, part of my destiny.

    The only thing that I am having difficulties with is when accepting illness in my loved ones. That is the hardest part of this path. Having the cure, owning the miracle, living the healing, understanding how to overcome illness and not being able to share it with the people that I love is sometimes hard.

    Seeing the people that I love suffering and not being able to inspire them it is difficult. This is really the hardest part of knowing ďThe Secret of HealingĒ. I understand now why compassion is so important in my path. I understand now why "Letting Go" is necessary for getting the best benefits in my journey.

    I often ask God what to do and how to help them best. The only answer that I receive from him is: ďThe best medicine you can give them is your loveĒ. Though I think that I understand what he means I still wish them to heal, to improve their lives, to live life fully and to be happy.

    It is hard to have the cure and not being able to share it with my loved ones. I want to share with them this gift. I understood that, though they are my loved ones, it is their right to say no and to live their lives in whatever way they want.

    This is another reason why I admire Sifu so much. He is a great healer and can change someoneís life in just an instant. Though his incredible power, many people refuses his help. I have learned from his example and received an enormous inspiration for dealing with this difficulty of mine.

    I finally understood that not everyone is ready for this path. Not everyone is ready for living the life fully and in a meaningful way. Not everyone is ready to give it a chance or even to put the effort that is needed for nourishing this invaluable treasure.

    I always ask God for help. I pray for answers as he always knows how to deal with things that I donít know how to deal with. Most part of the knowledge and wisdom that I am gaining often overwhelms me as I donít know how to use it. I understand now why Sifu is so often reminding that ďWe must always use it for goodĒ.

    I can now feel many things that I couldnít feel before. Though I can sense many things that I could not sense before, a whisper within me often tells me to not interfere with the Godís way. Maybe this is what Sifu means when he says that ďThose are Heaven SecretsĒ.

    It is sometimes hard to know more and that is why to "Let Go" has become more important than ever. As I always wish to do good I seek my answers in God. I receive his answers in my heart and I always hope and wish that my thoughts, words and actions reflect the good and never the bad.

    To be continued...

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Feb 2003

    Thank you again for sharing your experiences. This particular statement resonated strongly with me:

    Something in the Small and Big Universe Course has changed me forever. I don’t know what it is. Though I don’t know what it is I still can feel it. I accept Sifu in my life and what it is more important, I accept Sifu in my heart.
    I have definitely changed even though it is incredibly subtle. I'm scared and uncertain about this change since it feels like the old me is no longer there and have been replaced with someone else. However, I am also very excited and look forward to see what will happen.

    Best wishes,

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Small and Big Universe Course Diary - Part 9


    This is probably the stage of my practice where I have felt with most intensity the Tiger that is inside of me. It is coming to visit me in all my practices for the past 2 weeks. I am letting this Tiger manifest because I am having wonderful results in my practice by doing so. I feel a big release after every practice. A lot of anger is being thrown out from my body.

    During the practice I am hitting my chest like a gorilla does. If I wasnít practicing Shaolin Cosmos Chi Kung, I would feel afraid of hurting myself but, instead of hurting myself, I feel an intense release when hitting my chest and I must say that it is incredibly pleasant.

    It is interesting to notice that I do not feel any pain when doing so and even when it looks that this kind of force would really hurt a common human body, it does not hurt me at all. Instead of hurting me I feel it nourishing and strengthening me. I am starting to realize how Chi could protect a human body from hits in a fight just by having this interesting experience. I wonder if this has anything to do with the ďGolden BellĒ that I sometimes read in Sifu's writings.

    I am also getting much more courage and confidence and many less fears. It is like releasing the warrior that is in me. It is like giving myself the chance to manifest my own inner strength.

    It feels a release in the fear of becoming the warrior that I have always felt inside. I want to only become this warrior if I am able to use it for good. I want to make sure that I am able to control this power. I realized that letting this warrior manifests is letting my true nature manifests. Letting my true nature manifesting is probably one of the best feelings that I have had in my own practice.

    This kind of Chi Flows are only happening since I came from the Small and Big Universe Course. I have never felt the Tiger in such an obvious way. It is a deep connection and I now understand a bit better why animals are part of Shaolin training. It really seems like being inside of a Tiger's body. I even experience a connection with many primal feelings that I never thought possible.

    I have also noticed that my heart speaks louder. Maybe I am just paying more attention to what my heart is saying. What I have experienced too is that, if I donít follow my heart, my Chi shakes so much that I have to change the way I do things until I find a way to follow my heart. By following my heart I feel a peace that enriches my whole existence. By not following my heart my Chi becomes a complete mess.

    As I have more confidence and courage I have noticed that I am more capable of not only hearing better the messages that my heart transmits but also more able to make them a reality. As mentioned before, these arts never stop amazing me and this journey is the biggest adventure that I have ever had.

    To be Continued...

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Small and Big Universe Course Diary - Part 10


    Today I have practiced many Chi Kung exercises related to legs. Among others, I included the Art of Flexibility and some 18 Jewels patterns. I must be going through some cleansing as my hips and lower back are quite stiff. As I work in an office, I have also noticed that sitting in a chair for 8 hours create a lot of tension in that area.

    As mentioned before, after coming from the Small and Big Universe Course my Chi Flows are quite Tiger and I am hitting my chest really hard. Today I could feel some Iron Wire in the last stage of my Chi Flow. For some reason, Wong Fei Hong came to my mind while doing it. As I havenít practiced Iron Wire since the Saint Valentines Course it is quite interesting that this has happened some years later.

    Just after that Chi Flow, while in Wuji Stance, I felt incredibly strong. I remember Sifu often asking in courses if we were feeling stronger at all levels; namely physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I could answer with 100% honesty and say a deep and profound yes in all of them.

    It is not that I havenít felt stronger at all levels before but this practice was very different. In this practice I felt incredibly strong. It was a sincere, complete, holistic and balanced strength. Because of this event I realised how sick I was in the past. I honestly think that I was incredibly sick but I just didnít know or didnít have enough mental clarity to perceive it until today.

    Feeling this strength made me understand how far from health I have been all this time and I felt very grateful towards my body for having worked so hard in order to maintain life and keep me alive. I am aware now how much my body has struggled for keeping me functioning during all this time.

    I am not sure what peak performance is but I am already amazed with the results that I am obtaining. What I have seen so far has demonstrated me how profound and powerful these arts are and how lucky I have been for having had the opportunity to learn and train them.

    Whenever I see ill people around me or in the news I appreciate how lucky I have been for being taken to the only thing that was capable of healing me. Nothing else worked before.

    Getting healthier each day it passes made me perceive how powerful life is by always fighting for survival until the last very breath. That is why I realise that, if it werenít for these arts, a really serious illness would have manifested in me sooner or later.

    I remember Sifuís words in one of the first courses that I have ever attended: ďYou must have good Karma in order to have had the chance of being in contact with these wonderful artsĒ. I didnít understand then but I now understand what Sifu meant with my whole heart.

    To be continued...

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Alicante, Spain

    Small and Big Universe Course Diary - Part 11


    I am in Sijeís house and I will be here for the whole bank holiday. As every year, she does one long weekend here in Kilgarvan dedicated just to Chi Kung Training. As I am writing this I realise how lucky and blessed I am.

    This is the second year that I come and it is incredible. We always have the chance to cover many things and I also come back deeply relaxed. As her house lies in a natural paradise it is full of very pure Chi so it is the perfect place for practicing Chi Kung.

    Yesterday I arrived to Killarney at 10:30 pm and there she was waiting for me in the train station. I really appreciate that she can pick me up as it takes 30 minutes to drive from her house to Killarney Train Station.

    After having some tea with Sije, just before going to bed, I decided to spend some time outside as the night was splendid and there wasnít a single cloud. Looking upon the sky I could see all the stars with absolute clarity. Contemplating the stars is something that I really miss. As Cities have so much light at night it is not possible to appreciate such a beautiful spectacle even with a clear sky.

    I often notice that I have been very well guided by high beings. Spending time with Sije makes me realise that it is no causality that I have arrived to her. Sije is a very special master and she has a very important place in my heart.


    Today we have practiced the Five-Animal Play. Though they are incredibly simple I was very surprised with the results obtained. It is amazing the effect they have produced on me. I can totally understand why they are meant for health. I could feel them working in all my organs.

    The ones that I enjoyed most was the Tiger and the Monkey as they are probably the animals that I feel with more clarity inside of me.

    Tiger has been clearing a lot since I came from the Small and Big Universe Course so practicing the Tiger today has opened a new door.

    It is really interesting for me to feel the animal with such clarity. It is so intense and obvious that I could clearly feel the Tiger as a part of my soul. It is like if was a able to see the world through the eyes of a Tiger. I am not sure how to explain this sensation as this has never happen before.

    The Chi Flow after practicing the Tiger Pattern lead me to a very interesting experience. I could sense the roaring coming from my dan tien, exploding in my lungs and coming out like a geyser from my mouth. I felt incredibly strong, powerful and extremely ferocious and courageous.

    When Practicing the Tiger from the Five-Animal Play the vision of Wong Fei Hung came back again and movements from Iron Wire manifested in my Chi Flow. They felt really really soft but really strong. It came to my mind the ďIron wrapped in cottonĒ that Sifu mentioned in some of his courses.

    Practicing the Monkey gave me a lot of fun as I started acting like a gorilla and the chest hitting that has been accompanying me since I came from the Small and Big Universe became even more intense. I am not sure why hitting my chest feels so good but I feel really strong and powerful after it.

    At some stage I could also sense a little playful and tricky monkey and, after the chi flow, I experienced an extreme calmness. In one of the Monkey Chi Flows I started to go round like the Sufiís dance and began chanting while doing so. Though I was twisting fast I did not lose balance and it felt very natural. It was a very spiritual experience and left a deep feeling of calmness and peace in my whole being.

    Just after finishing todayís practice I went for a walk as it was a beautiful sunny day. As I had a lot of energy too it was the perfect opportunity for having a nice and long walk. I think that I had a 1 hour and 30 minutes walk. It felt so good that I kept walking and walking without realising how far I was going.

    It is probably the walk that I have enjoyed most since I am in Ireland. Sije really live in a beautiful place and the surroundings are just stunning.

    In that walk I realised one more time how lucky I am and how special has been my time in Ireland. It is a golden opportunity that I always want to enjoy as its most. Having the chance to spend time with Sije and learn from her is providing me amazing benefits and it is changing my life for the better.

    Realizing that I have guides and they are with me all the time is a very humbling experience and made me relax in a deeper way as I know that it is not my duty to keep everything under control. It is a very special relationship as I open my heart to the help that has been always there for me and that I have been receiving without even realising.

    To be Continued...

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Hamphire, UK
    Dear Santi,

    I can't believe I missed keeping up on this thread! I've just read all your posts in one sitting.

    Thank you for sharing openly such a profound and liberating journey in such a beautifully described and acutely observed way. Much of it resonates - some based on my own experience of positive changes, some based only on an intellectual appreciation of the changes you're describing.

    I'm sure your diary will be an inspiration for many.

    Much love.
    With love and Shaolin salute /o

    "Your purpose in life is to find your purpose & give your whole heart and soul to it." - Buddha

    Gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā.

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