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Personality disorders

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  • Personality disorders

    Greetings family,

    I have recently encountered the phenomena of personality disorders for the first time in my life, or at least become aware of it for the first time. A person whom I love and care for and always thought was heavily victimised and had a hard life had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well as being an alcoholic. She has one of the worst stories of an abusive childhood that I have ever heard, although I am not sure how much of it is true as these people have a tendency to play the victim, I know a lot of it is true having heard stories from her family. I tried to help by introducing her to sifu's books, acupuncture and encouraging her to stay away from alcohol and drugs and it helped for a bit but in her twisted reality she has come to hate me even though I have only ever been nice to and tried to help her and returned to her self destructive behaviours. After researching the disorder including on this forum I have become more and more despondent as to her chances of ever living a normal life.This is the first time since I encountered the Shaolin arts that I have felt this way about someones illness. My understanding is that borderline personality disorder is considered incurable unless the person can come to terms with the fact that they need help and realise how to achieve it which I feel she is a long way from as she rejects any notion that she has anything wrong with her and projects her problems on other people. Apart from praying for her which I do daily is there anything else that I can do or recommend that can help a person afflicted in this way?

    Last edited by Shaolinfist; 4 March 2019, 11:36 PM.

  • #2
    Dear Phil,

    Originally posted by Shaolinfist View Post
    Apart from praying for her which I do daily is there anything else that I can do or recommend that can help a person afflicted in this way?
    You can focus on your own practice and inner cultivation. The more you progress, the more possibilities open up for you to help others, even without you looking for them.

    Best wishes,
    George / Юра
    Shaolin Wahnam England

    gate gate pāragate pārasaṁgate bodhi svāhā


    • #3
      Great answer from George,

      Charles David Chalmers
      Brunei Darussalam


      • #4
        Dear Siheng,

        I have often used "Smiling from the Heart" when having to deal with people (specially if they were angry).

        In some occasions, results were so meaningful, drastic and straight away that even I was surprised. I yet don't fully comprehend what happens when "Smiling from the Heart" but it certainly works and positively influence people around us. :-)

        Below, there are two pieces of advice from Sifu that I especially love. You may find them inspiring:

        "When a person cultivates his spirit, he becomes peaceful and happy. His sense or feeling of peace and happiness spreads and influences other people. This is expressed in the English proverb that “Birds of the same feathers flock together”.

        You can test out this experiment easily. Speak to someone peacefully and happily. You will have a favorable response. Now speak the same things to someone angrily or rudely. You can be sure that the response will be different." - Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit

        Quote Source and Further Reading

        "A simple, effective way to calm an angry person down is to tell him (or her) that you are sorry about the situation, irrespective of who is right. “I am sorry” are three magic words that often prevent right at the start a small disagreement that may eventually explode into a big conflict.

        Many people find it hard to say these three magic words because they mistakenly think doing so would belittle them, or it implies they are wrong. Actually, it requires greatness and confidence to say sorry. Saying sorry does not indicate that the speaker is wrong. It indicates that he is sad that the incident, which should not happen, has happened. Who is wrong is another matter.

        If someone starts shouting at you for no apparent reasons, and you say “I am sorry”, you are actually saying I wish you could be calm and happy but I am sad that you are not." - Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit

        Quote Source and Further Reading
        With Love, Care and Shaolin Salute,



        • #5
          Thank you brothers good answers I can see the benefit of everything you say. Unfortunately people with personality disorders are often looking for arguments regardless of your demeanour or what you say so as much as I try smiling from the heart, being kind or saying sorry that she feels the way that she does it makes little difference to the bitter things that come out of her mouth. It is my hope that perhaps those kind words and actions will plant a seed in her heart that one day come to fruit as some kind of relief and healing.