You were right. I had closed my heart to good advice. I wondered why,
all my life, i have been acting like that. Is it possible that i want to be
unhappy?
One day, in a sports' newspaper, i read that a soccer team was ''addicted
to mediocrity''. Obviously, that was just a humorous sentence to make a
point. Yet, it made me wonder, am i a similar case? Addicted to misery?
Is addiction to misery a thing?
I googled ''addiction to misery'' and discovered a disorder called negaholism.
This disease makes you want to be miserable. You don't like it, but you
still want it, because that's what the disease does. This is obviously what i
have.
There is no way out of this pitfall. We all know that nobody can help someone
who does not want to be helped. But i CANNOT WANT to be helped, this is
what the disease does. If someone recommends a way to combat it, i will
ignore it, because i want to keep being miserable, even though i hate it. It's
a deadly cycle that cannot be broken.
Now that i know what i am, a lost cause, i want to apologize for the way i
behaved earlier. But can you blame me for having been born and lived under
circumstances that caused me this? It's as if they forced addictive drugs
through my throat. Just like girls who get kidnapped and get addicted to
drugs by force so that they will be obedient prostitutes cannot be blamed
when, even if they're released, they will return to the brothel once their
withdrawal symptoms hit. Just like those poor unlucky girls are lost causes,
so am i.
I was just unlucky in my life, that's all. Happiness isn't for everyone.
Scientific research has shown it too: there is no such thing as free will;
we are what circumstances turn us into (i found this scientific fact
during my forementioned googling).
Never forget how blessed you are for having the chance to live a peaceful
life, having fun with kung fu. Be grateful. That's the primary reason i posted
this; for you to realize your own luck.
all my life, i have been acting like that. Is it possible that i want to be
unhappy?
One day, in a sports' newspaper, i read that a soccer team was ''addicted
to mediocrity''. Obviously, that was just a humorous sentence to make a
point. Yet, it made me wonder, am i a similar case? Addicted to misery?
Is addiction to misery a thing?
I googled ''addiction to misery'' and discovered a disorder called negaholism.
This disease makes you want to be miserable. You don't like it, but you
still want it, because that's what the disease does. This is obviously what i
have.
There is no way out of this pitfall. We all know that nobody can help someone
who does not want to be helped. But i CANNOT WANT to be helped, this is
what the disease does. If someone recommends a way to combat it, i will
ignore it, because i want to keep being miserable, even though i hate it. It's
a deadly cycle that cannot be broken.
Now that i know what i am, a lost cause, i want to apologize for the way i
behaved earlier. But can you blame me for having been born and lived under
circumstances that caused me this? It's as if they forced addictive drugs
through my throat. Just like girls who get kidnapped and get addicted to
drugs by force so that they will be obedient prostitutes cannot be blamed
when, even if they're released, they will return to the brothel once their
withdrawal symptoms hit. Just like those poor unlucky girls are lost causes,
so am i.
I was just unlucky in my life, that's all. Happiness isn't for everyone.
Scientific research has shown it too: there is no such thing as free will;
we are what circumstances turn us into (i found this scientific fact
during my forementioned googling).
Never forget how blessed you are for having the chance to live a peaceful
life, having fun with kung fu. Be grateful. That's the primary reason i posted
this; for you to realize your own luck.
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