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  • #16
    Dear everyone,

    I come again to reassure myself.

    I had been practicing chi kung once a day with good results at first and without noticing changes later, which made me worry a lot (uncontrollable by me at that point).
    I followed advice as best as I could, sticking to Lifting the Sky and waiting for advice or replies to my mails before taking part at other courses that were offered to me, etc. I didn't want to change anything.

    I have to admit this was not always so. Since my «last» episode in June, I had tried different methods because I could not otherwise. I don't know if I had «urges» (broad term) or if I was too scared due to my past bad experiences. In my state, I could not do much about it. Knowing that I would fail to follow Sifu Andrew's advice correctly, I tried to stay safe and asked people at FPMT about the safety of some practices. I was told it was alright to recite sutras but encouraged to follow the advice I had received. So on auspicious days when worry became too much, I recited bits of the Golden Light Sutra.

    Not so long ago, I had what I believe was an «episode». I want to stay private about it, but it started with me praying and believing I was being answered those prayers. I recited other things for purification from a teaching called Reciting the names of buddhas (it was some hommages to Buddhas that one needs to recite just once ) which I also asked about and was normally safe. I had good results for my mind and daily living (could stay calm, etc) but also imaginary phases due which I managed to get out from.

    ​​​​​​I was still feeling good results after that and maybe progress? And I continued to pray. I prayed to God without hoping for an answer and I always had a feeling when praying that I had done something wrong.

    Tonight I had a feeling of «healing» (memory, perception, anger/bad feelings) followed with bad experiences. I no longer feel anxiety, hatred, anger, etc (so far?) but at some point I felt my mind «shattered» (this was not painful and did not «feel bad», I was «just» uncomfortable about it. I «just» «observed» as I experienced it).

    I had a chi flow and did some Lifting the Sky. As I write these lines now, I feel like I am returning to «normal», but I do have a feeling that something's not right about how everything went tonight.

    Since I NEED to ask a teacher about this and none of them seem «available», I ask here. What can I do? Do I continue training just the way I am (I think this could be the answer)? Do I train twice a day?
    I noticed that I feel «safer» in a way. I do not have urges to practice other things, find other solutions, etc. But if I could ask for a nice and fast solution, I would.


    ​​​​Best wishes,
    Alonso
    ​​

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Jinkaku View Post
      Do I continue training just the way I am (I think this could be the answer)?​​
      Yes

      Sounds like everything is going well, just keep at it.
      George / Юра
      Shaolin Wahnam England

      gate gate pāragate pārasaṁgate bodhi svāhā

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      • #18
        Thank you very much for the recommendation!

        Also, there are two questions I've been meaning to ask but decided to let it go, until now.

        1. I am afraid of engaging in other practices during those episodes. When I experience them, I usually stop practicing my chi kung (not this time) and on occasions I have taken up the same practices I did before my first episode, which is videos of hindu mantras, etc.
        In my head, there is always a reason for it, but in reality I could be harming myself. This time it was some Buddhist mantras that I tried. They provided nice benefits in daily living and I asked a Master abour them, but I suspect them to have something to do with what I experienced last night.
        My solution to this so far is to have my family check on me if they notice anything.

        2. I live quite close to a church. Around 300-400m far from it. In my state I do not feel anything special about it but prefer to ask.
        i cannot move out to another location. There is a field a, few km away from home that is close to a forest where I often go for walks. I have thought of practicing there, but there are the powerlines from the train companies. Is home good enough?
        I remember Sifu Andrew telling me once that such distances were far enough. I decided to ask anyway because when he told me so, I was staying in an inn. Now it's my appartment. I don't worry much about it, but I thought it would not hurt to ask.

        Anyways, thank you from the Heart for all the help provided.

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        • #19
          Please forgive me for jumping in, but you think too much. Just practice as directed, and when you feel like you're going into one of your episodes, instead go do something physical, like run, jog, play some sportsball, or anything that requires physical exertion.

          As far as your house/field goes, the saying is, "perfect is the enemy of good enough". In most cases, being near a church or temple will be mildly beneficial, and if you don't feel anything from that church, you are likely in that category. If you go for walks in the forest, the forest is probably the most suitable location, weather provided. Trees are your friend for filtering energy.

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          • #20
            Dear Alex,

            Please don't feel sorry, I am grateful to you!

            Regarding the episodes, may I please ask what role physical exertion fulfills? Because I walk all day and during «episodes» I've gone walking for hours and I haven't seen any (noticeable?) change. Maybe walking is not enough?
            I would be curious to know more.

            Regarding the church, thanks! I had thought of practicing in the forest but I recall Sifu telling us at the course not to practice somewhere too wild. I'm not sure if he gave forests as an example. So I'll just continue practicing at home, and if someday I end up practicing in or near the forest, at least I know that I should not feel guilty.

            Thank you again!

            Best wishes,
            Alonso

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            • #21
              Hello everyone!

              I just come here to share some good news after quite some time.

              Basically, I went through rough times with my practice, often having symptoms I could not control at all. For example, I have often mentionned in the past not feeling responsible for my actions. Now I would describe it as having no free will at times.

              I have dilligently practiced Lifting the Sky as I was instructed, but had two more weird episodes. During and after those, I practiced the recitations of the names of Buddhas again and recited/heard two sutras.

              The change came when I came back to myself. I started praying to Guan Yin Bodhisattva again and quickly realized that doing so in a chi kung/prayer state of mind was a thousand times more effective.

              I soon remembered the book Sukhavati. In it, Sifu advises people suffering from mental trouble to ask her repeatedly «Bodhisattva Guan Yin, please give me peace of mind» until one is healed. I tried it in a prayer state of mind, and this time I could feel the effect (I had tried this in the past with no visible or noticeable effect).

              When reciting, I felt like my «injuries» were gently being treated, in a loving way. My memories were sometimes «restored», as if I had never been sick during those times. Just as importantly, I would sometimes remember my Shaolin Wahnam brothers and sisters with the love that I had for them in the past and which had turned into negative perceptions, perhaps due to some arguments.

              My chi kung seemed to provide more results as well. And I have to say, I was afraid of mixing practices, but had no one to ask. So I focused on my chi kung and told myself that if I prayed to Guan Yin because I couldn't cope it would be okay.

              During those practices and especially with Guan Yin, I sometimes felt a blockage in my heart area move. And I instantly remembered Sifu Joan Browne, who noted that the symptoms I reported to her were caused by energies blocked in my head or spirit. This resonated, and still does, with me.

              I focus on my chi kung now, and I have had more experiences like this. It feels like there is a balloon, or an object in my torso area, and that the healing is emptying it. It feels refreshing.

              I prefer not to intellectualize, but I like to think that I (or Guan Yin, to be honest) hit the spot.


              The reason I wanted to post this here besides sharing my story is because I have had negative impressions about the school during this last year and I have commented on them with some of you. I believe that Guan Yin Bodhisattva, who protects us and loves us all so much, has shown me the truth.

              My best wishes to all of you for this new year!
              Last edited by Jinkaku; 3rd January 2020, 09:01 PM.

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              • #22
                Excellent news. Good job. And thanks to Guan Shi Yin Bodhisattva as well!

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                • #23
                  Dear Alex,

                  thank you for your kind words!

                  I just have one question. I will make it short.
                  The day that I wrote my last post, something happened during practice. I saw my body all black accompanied by a few «rays» (like lightning) of bright green. Then those rays seemed to form what I believed to be my meridian system.

                  Since yesterday, I have had many «visions» like these, including of what I believe to be foreign energies inside me (they either look ugly or too shiny, like artificial).

                  Sometimes when I feel relief, like some blockage has been cleared (how I interpret it, but it could be something else of course), I see golden/orange flames in that part of the body.

                  I believe this to be real. Maybe my third eye. But I prefer to ask. I also slept a lot today, which could be related.

                  Any insight is welcome! I have also seen many things, like scenes of a movie, but do not know if this is the right place to share.

                  All the best,
                  Jinkaku

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