Hi,
I would like to share my experience at the recently concluded chi kung course at Brighton. If you attended the last course (Sinew Metamorphosis) you would have probably noticed me, I was the one sobbing my eyes out ! Anyway someone asked me then what I felt during the session, and I was too emotional to answer then, so I am taking the opportunity to answer here.
When Sifu was going on something about zen, original face, etc during one of the sessions, he mentioned the word God and that triggered a swell of extreme sadness and regret. It feels very strongly as if I had let down a lot of people, as if people had depended on and trusted in me, and I had violated that trust, and I felt so sorry, so very sorry that I had let them down and a wish I could make it up to them again. I cannot recall a situation in my past to which these intense feelings could correspond to. I have certainly let down friends, family members, etc in the past, but nowhere to the extent that their lifes were irrevocably affected because of my actions (which is how it felt like when I was crying).
Earlier, Sifu had told me it was a karmic imprint from a past life(s), which I kind of suspected it was. For a month or two prior to this course, I would spontaneously be engulfed with extreme feelings of loss, sadness and remorse and start crying while doing something like listening to a song or watching the clouds. This is extremely highly uncharacteristic of a person who normally would associate any show of emotions (particularly crying) as a sign of weakness and lack of control. It almost feels like (at the risk of sounding overly dramatic) I am being reminded of something in the past in order that I need to accomplish or do something in this life.
With regards to the practice, I have been doing sinew metamorphosis twice a day everyday since the previous course in Bath, and I am not sure whether this is the cause of this events. I have asked Sifu about it, and he told me to reduce it to 3 times a week instead.
I would be very interested to know if any of you have had an experience similar to mine, or have some idea of what I am going through.
thanks !
vic
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