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  • #16
    Dear Dan,

    It is good to hear from you!

    Fundamentally, you have an idea, you have an attachment to that idea and craving for it. This is called Suffering and it's totally a part of our life in this world.

    There is no Enlightenment to attain, no God to find. Something that was never lost can never be found. Do you understand?

    Forgive yourself, open your heart, empty your cup. Remember the very first thing that Sifu teaches. That is the most important thing, it is all you need. Take time to just let go. Take as long as you need.

    Now, please go find a flip-flop and slap yourself, as I am, unfortunately, to far away to do it for you.

    Originally posted by Nick Jones View Post
    Go out and make someone else's life better. Then do it again tomorrow.
    Excellent and very practical advice for boarding the Greater Vehicle. Don't be such an Arhat, Dan!


    Best wishes,
    George / Юра
    Shaolin Wahnam England

    gate gate pāragate pārasaṁgate bodhi svāhā

    Comment


    • #17
      Sorry to hear of your struggles mate.

      I think I can relate on some levels. I have not had the same experience as you have, but I have had incredible experiences, things that the doubting, sceptically minded me found incredible. I too got attached to those experiences, even though I too knew the idea was to try not to be, but how could a person not be at least tempted by such things? I am speaking about feelings of joy, power, energy flow, bliss as well as other harder-to-explain experiences. But ultimately I realised that even if I badly wanted those feelings and experiences again, seeking them directly was not the best way to achieve them. Rather, following the rule of 3 was.

      Was I wise enough to realise this at the time? Of course not. My practise was wonderful in the beginning, and joyfully I say it is wonderful today. But it was not like this for a long time. YEARS even! I believe I recognise the same response in others that I experienced myself when asking Sifu about various of these experiences. We ask him questions and are hoping for some specific instructions of how to recreate them, then Sifu tells us "Don't worry, don't intellectualise, enjoy your practise." We might know deep down he is correct, but still be a bit disappointed at that answer. It can take time to work out that it is the right answer.

      You say you did follow the rule of 3 for that year. I have had periods when I thought I was doing that too. But looking back I was both worrying and intellectualising. It is hard to believe that you were not fretting for a lot of that year, disappointed that your practise and experiences had not returned to former levels. That would be understandable. And I don't even know the answer for how to resolve that. But I think recognising it might be a first step. You might disagree.

      I'm being nice so far, but I consider me and you friends, you know the way I speak and the intentions behind it so I hope I can be direct on the next point: In what UNIVERSE is doing 2 hours of sitting meditation per day not a case of overtraining?! And a case of NOT following what Sifu is telling you! I can not believe you asked Sifu for help and he said "I think you should do 2 hours of sitting meditation per day in another school, that oughta do it..."!

      My other thought on that is, you got these amazing experiences by following Sifu's training. Some are saying not to be attached to them or seek them, they may be right. But I would say if you do want them, then it was Sifu who led you to them, so surely following what he says and practising as he has taught, as best you can, is your best chance of reaching them again?

      That brings me on to the final point, you mention a couple of times about how Sifu doesn't teach at the same level anymore. Well I don't know what others think, and perhaps you may consider me unqualified to comment. But I think the level of Sifu's teaching has increased over the years, not decreased. I felt a lot more force, and directly learned new jing/consolidation/hard force skills in 2010 on Wing Choon for example, than I had 7 years previously. And 7 years later I did a Zen course in Ireland and felt force far beyond that. There were other times when I felt a lot less force, less benefits etc. But I don't think Sifu taught at a lower level at those times, I think my practise was just not as good.

      I could say something about experiences with singing too but it would be too embarrassing! Anyway, I hope you get back to where you were mate, to where you want to be (or to somewhere even better that you cannot yet perceive). I hope your accountancy studies go well and I hope to hear that tenor singing voice some day.

      Comment


      • #18
        Hello Dan

        Everyone has said so much already, so I will just recall some fun times we spent together. I can still remember us trading dumb and cheesy pick-up lines at the restaurant on Mount K during the most gruelling course of all time - the Special Qin-na course (there is still no course that can compare in terms of sheer intensity of volume and content).

        I was your classmate when you first began your journey in Shaolin Wahnam so we have walked a long way together. Just stay strong, and take some time to clean yourself. Personally, i now practice much much less than I used to, and even my kungfu practice is down to a few times a week, because of the heavy demands of my work running my own company and managing employees for the first time. But I keep up 5 minutes of quality qigong every day without fail. And surprisingly (or not), I am seeing better results. When I do spar with other martial artists, my reflexes are no slower and I can confidently say that my breath control is far better than those 20 years younger. So, as Sifu often says, less is more. I can give no better advice than to say, "just follow Sifu's advice".
        百德以孝为先
        Persevere in correct practice

        Comment


        • #19
          Dear Dan,

          thank you for sharing.

          Look at how far you have come. I am guessing that, in 2006, you were much less capable of sharing what you consider to be "dark", maybe even "shameful", secret. So, congratulations and thank you.

          In my experience many people struggle with these types of thoughts and feelings. Many keep them locked up out of fear or shame. Everyone who is able to share that it is sometimes like this, helps all of the others know they are not on their own.

          This is something that has returned for me in various disguises over the years. I realise that each new time it does I can move forward - learning from what has worked in the past, learning new applications of old skills and even new skills. I am no master at this but I have had a lot of practice .

          I have found that it's ok to have a rant to get energy flowing but not to come up a solution. That needs more stillness in the mind, in my experience. Panic, despair or rage have never been ideal states for me to make good decisions

          You have had people here sharing from the heart about their own experience. Maybe have a look/think about who's life/progress/spirit you admire and try out what they have shared.

          Families/tribes can be places where we share our triumphs and our grief. So, share what you are going through here but you don't need to stay stuck in it. Use your skills to get energy flowing, allowing your spirit to breathe and move. Maybe this is God/the great source of all things letting you know a) its time to do some moving rather than sitting b) now is a good time to be fun as well as serious c) you are ready to take a next step in the maturing relationship with life, the universe and everything (something we are all in the process of).

          With metta,

          Barry
          Profile at Capio Nightingale Hospital London Click here
          Chi Kung & Tai Chi Chuan in the UK Fully Alive
          Fully Alive on Facebook Fully Alive
          UK Summer Camp 2017 Click here for details
          sigpic

          Comment


          • #20
            Thank you for sharing Dan.

            Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like your whole issue started when you committed the unethical psychic manipulation? Many of us have these thoughts and desires for power, but unlike you, we do not share it so openly. We are only human. All of the advice given on this thread are wonderful to help you release your guilt to open up to God again.

            As you know, our school’s Chi Kung is very profound and life-changing. Safe and persistent training in Shaolin Wahnam can make someone very mentally and spiritually powerful in a short amount of time.

            The power we generate from Chi Kung creates endless possibilities in life, particularly once our minds become powerful. Infinite possibilities occur when power is present - you will notice that this applies to all aspects of mundane and spiritual life. However, the greatest challenge we face when acquiring power is whether we have the ability to handle this power maturely. Our character and morality are tested to the limits and karma is instantaneous especially when the mind involved. At the same time, forgiving is also crucial to letting go and heal.

            The battles of power within you is what really counts. Whether you feel guilty for your psychic indiscretion or your belief that you were being rude to Sigung, it’s always the betrayals of self that produces the deepest wounds. Your powerful Chi Kung and meditation training is most likely bringing the darkest places to light for healing, but it’s doing it all at once! Slow down.

            You are with God now and He is speaking to you. As God goes in, you come into contact with who and what you are. Part of that is in light and part of that is in the dark. The part that is in the dark is what is causing pressure and pain. It is the nature of Chi and God to dissolve the shadow and make it conscious.

            Hang in there.

            Best wishes
            Stephen

            Comment


            • #21
              Just my two cents:
              - You love and respect Sifu deeply. It seems that you're conflicted, because you're not following his directions. I can't, of course, know what Sifu has told you in private, but nothing Sifu has ever said publicly has encouraged sitting meditation for any length of time, definitely not 2 hours, and definitely not for someone experiencing mental/spiritual imbalance, like you are currently.
              - Imho, you are grasping for outcomes. Honestly, your initial "seeing God" may have done you more harm than good. You may now feel entitled to His Grace, without having learnt the real lessons needed to maintain it. This may be why when you attained so much mental power, the Cosmic Safety Valve prevented you from causing yourself irreparable karmic harm, by doing you the favor of reducing your spiritual/mental power. God might have intentionally put you in a safe space If Sifu indeed does teach at a "lower" level, it's because lower level is BETTER, not because he wants to keep you from the good stuff.
              - Ask God for forgiveness. Enjoy your practice. This is all you can do. And all you really need to do imho. You cannot allow God's grace while crying about being separate from Him.
              - since you sound spiritually inclined, I suggest you try praying. The Lord's Prayer is a good one. Your will, not mine be done. Amen. Your vision for what God wants for you is almost certainly not what He wants for you, and that's contributing to your feeling like everything's not going the way you want anymore. This can help you let go and let God, releasing your mental tensions.

              Best Wishes,
              Alex
              Last edited by AlexBaranosky; 11th April 2018, 04:47 AM.
              "Take a moment to feel how wonderful it feels just to be alive."
              - Sifu

              Comment


              • #22
                Light and Up or even Down, then again, All Around.....

                Hi Daniel,

                maybe consider the letting go as as lesson/journey.
                If you had a bar of soap and clung on for dear life and squeezed it so hard because you wanted to hang onto it, because you felt it was the right thing to do the soap would easily pop out of your hands with the pressure you apply. Then consider you may get uncomfortable as the soap is no longer in your grasp. The soap however can be used once or twice a day, then placed on the side of the bath tub or shower until next time. In short, when you have something, there's no need to apply pressure and hang on, just make the best use of what you have in the most proficient way.

                On God; Wether we realise it or not, we are all 'in love'. We are constantly surrounded 'in love' and we have always been and will always be 'in love'. God is constant and always will be around us, in us and with us. It doesn't matter if we forget, it's just the way it is! So relax, don't worry and enjoy life! We can also say the love is an aspect of light!

                Enlightenment? Well lets ask, does it really matter? As above so below! If and when one can live a life in the phenomenal world with joy, happiness and grace, surely that is all that matters. there are some who wish to ascend upwards to the light, but it is everywhere there are just different degrees of it and the mind can perceive it in whatever way it wants. A rock is fully enlightened, it is the most dense material form and 'reflects as above' in its purest phenomenal form. It's just being a rock!

                On speaking to someone recently who was experiencing dark thoughts, they said that they didn't understand then and why the were so dark. It was this conversation that surrendered a great gift. It occurred the to me that to understand the thought was quite challenging and what came from that was this.
                Imagine a thought as an Apple. What is it you don't understand about an Apple?

                Thanks you for sharing and posting your Darkest thoughts. It has inspired Light in its responses from the Brothers and Sisters here. It's been a joy reading the feed back and experiences of all, quite a useful and productive thread.

                Best Wishes
                James
                Aaahhhhh!

                Comment


                • #23
                  Finding Balance in The Five Balls

                  Dear Shaolin Wahnam Family,

                  First of all, I would like to thank Daniel Sidai for sharing so openly his journey. And thank you to all the participants of this thread for sharing your insights as it greatly enriches it and makes it even more meaningful.

                  When I first read the thread, an analogy that I once read long ago came to my mind. Instead of writing about it, I preferred to create a video for Daniel Sidai and the beautiful Shaolin Wahnam Family.

                  I believe that many of us, if not all, have many challenges along our Shaolin Journey. Sharing them openly creates the opportunity to help each other in moments of difficulty and also it brings the opportunity of learning from each other. After all, we are a family and helping and sharing with each other are some of the things that makes this family a blessing.

                  Please enjoy the video




                  With Love, Care and Shaolin Salute,

                  Santi

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Dan, my brother!

                    Greetings from Borneo!

                    My first impulse is to make a joke, to help you laugh. Have you considered that living in Calgary may be "making you depressed"? Of course not. But maybe?? I'm just saying. Maybe the South China Sea could help you.

                    Anyway. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. Others have already chimed in with good advice, so I'm not sure how much more good advice you need. But here goes:

                    If you are looking to Shaolin for help: back off on the long hours meditating. Like Zhang Wuji, I also spend far less time on my practice than I used to. That said, I make a daily habit of doing my chi kung: "Relax. Smile from the Heart, Let Go..."

                    I will commiserate some with you, and maybe that is where my advice can be helpful: I too struggle with the effects of deep karma. There's no other way for me to put it now. I sometimes forget, and suffer. But there has never, ever been a time when doing my chi kung has not helped me.

                    Chi kung helps--usually profoundly--every single time.

                    So do it.


                    I hope to see you again really soon in Sabah, or Penang. I'll even be back in Canada this summer to visit my mother in Kelowna, if you want to get together to practice lazily by Okanagan lake...


                    Talk soon.

                    Yrs.

                    chas.
                    Charles David Chalmers
                    Brunei Darussalam

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Dear Brothers and Sisters,

                      Thank you very much for all of the love and guidance, it means a great deal to me.

                      I figured I should take a moment and update all of you. I’ve been struggling for the past month, trying to regain my lost skills. I’ve had several conversations with Sifu, and he has been a tremendous help. His kindness truly knows no bounds, and I am very grateful to be both his student and a member of our school.

                      Anyway, I had a bit of a breakthrough earlier this week, and now I am able to practice deeply again for the first time in several years. It’s fantastic, and I don’t feel depleted all of the time anymore. I am slightly concerned however as entering a deep chi-kung state of mind does not feel quite right. I know what it should feel like, and it does not feel like that. In fact it bears a striking similarity to an experience I had years ago.

                      For a large part of my life I’ve had issues with the muscles that control my hands. I recall attending a course with Sifu and him instructing me to practice Lifting the Sky and really try to bend my hands into place. Back in 2011, I lowered my practice to do just that and bend my hands, however I did not make much progress. After a few months of trying to fix my hands, I decided to abandon my attempts, and I went back to practicing as deep as I could; however it was not correct practice. I practiced diligently, and after a while I started to find it difficult to sleep. I just assumed that it was some sort of cleansing, and I continued my practice. After a while I started to develop a pain in my head which grew in strength until every time I was awake I had dull pain in my head. The pain grew stronger whenever I would read or view a computer screen, and it made tending to my responsibilities rather difficult.

                      Anyway, I attended the Intensive Tai Chi Chuan Course in 2012, and within the first session of Entering Tao, my problem was fixed. Well, actually it took a few months of correct practice to remedy the deviation, but after the first session I had the tools, and I knew it.

                      When I go my deepest right now it feels strikingly similar to how it felt at the onset of the deviation back in 2011. I don’t have any problems reading yet, but I am starting to have difficulty sleeping, and it has me concerned. On the one hand it feels great to go deep again, and have sufficient reserves of energy to enjoy life. Yet, I also don’t want to deviate again.

                      I suspect now that the blockage preventing me from going deep is gone, (like last time) all I will need is a good transmission from Sifu on how to go deep correctly and I will be right as rain. I just hope that Sifu will be kind enough to help me, I feel like I’ve bothered him an inordinate amount of time in this past month, and I’m sure he’s tired of hearing from me.

                      Anyway, I just wanted to update and thank all of you.

                      Much Love Brothers and Sisters,

                      Daniel

                      PS Good joke about Calgary Charles.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Dear Daniel ,

                        Thanks for the great share ...
                        and congratulations for realizing that those are "silver linings " and not " dark secrets"

                        ...and also the longing for God is a blessing and not a curse .

                        Quoted from somewhere :

                        “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”
                        – St.Augustine of Hippo

                        The longing that is planted in the heart is no less than God calling us to be whole ….the longing is quite simply God desiring to be known. And for the internal art practitioner , when we come to know ourselves , we come to know God …..

                        ..and as to the remedy for the longing , we are grateful for the tool of The Shaolin Arts to discover self consciousness and God Consciousness in everyday mundane life and at the transcendental level .
                        Attached Files
                        Damian Kissey
                        Shaolin Wahnam Sabah , Malaysia .
                        www.shaolinwahnamsabah.com

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Banana Sundae

                          Hiya Dan


                          Thanks for having the courage to talk so openly about all the difficulties you've been having. It's been a while since I last spoke to you so I had been wondering where you'd gotten to!


                          By the time I came to read this it looks like you've already gotten the best advice here and of course from Sigung. I really appreciate all of the insightful contributions here - I've found this thread really helpful. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply


                          Having known you a fair time now ( when was that first Kung Fu course? ) I know that you are one of the most diligent and respectful students of Sigung that I can think of. Have you considered the possibility that you're trying too hard, and maybe can't see the woods for the trees?


                          I really like Santi's video about the juggling balls of life. I think it's no less true of spiritual matters than any other that, in order for the wheel to roll forward, it needs to be even and balanced on all sides. I think the principle of 'striking the weak points' is good to remember here. It's a hard question to ask oneself, but if you map out the different areas of your life and reapportion your efforts towards the neglected areas, it can really open everything else up to further development. The Kung Fu of daily life, perhaps? What's the equivalent in your daily MO of your (for examples sake) weak left Black Tiger?


                          There's a very powerful line in the Yi Jing (Classic of Change) that I read recently I'd like to share with you:


                          'Mountains standing close together:
                          The image of Keeping Still.
                          Thus the superior man does not permit his thoughts
                          To go beyond his situation.'


                          So to paraphrase that, if you've hit a brick wall, maybe leave that alone for a while and focus on the things that you can change. Even brick walls erode over time.


                          In that same Classic:


                          'Keeping his hips still,
                          Making his sacrum stiff.
                          Dangerous. The Heart suffocates.


                          ...This refers to enforced quiet.. the restless Heart...subdued by forcible means..'


                          On the face of it, it sounds like you might have fallen into a bit of a quagmire where you are chasing the experiences of the past, longing to escape the present, and worrying about the future. Sounds a bit like Samsara! And given your dedication, diligence and positive past results (all good things) you've pushed a bit hard in one direction, possibly at times to the neglect of other areas of your life. Like almost every other human being, myself certainly included.


                          Anyway, I'm sure you feel better soon. Definitely the search for God shouldn't leave you feeling depressed and ill. To use another literary analogy, I don't think God should be like Borges' Zahir - a cursed memory that plagues the beholder until they go mad. You know that much, ha It's no wonder you don't have any energy left at the end of the day if you're constantly consumed by thoughts of your apparent disconnection from God!


                          You'll be fine Go to the park, do the Monkey Set and then have a Banana Sundae. There is no low level or high level with Banana Sundae.


                          Warmest wishes,


                          Max

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Another Brick in the Wall

                            Hi…. I’d just like to add to this part that Max writes;

                            Originally posted by MaxP View Post
                            There's a very powerful line in the Yi Jing (Classic of Change) that I read recently I'd like to share with you:

                            'Mountains standing close together:
                            The image of Keeping Still.
                            Thus the superior man does not permit his thoughts
                            To go beyond his situation.'

                            So to paraphrase that, if you've hit a brick wall, maybe leave that alone for a while and focus on the things that you can change. Even brick walls erode over time.

                            Wo/Man faces a brick wall, it’s very tall and very difficult to climb. This is where Man maybe at a time during a challenging situation.

                            Wo/Man stops to ponder and walks in a different direction!

                            Wo/Man builds a ladder before continuing his journey over the wall and returns to the wall now well equipped to face the challenge wo/man puts the ladder against the wall and climbs easily to the top.
                            Only one more thing they didn’t anticipate…..The other side and how to get down.
                            Now that wo/man has had a good look they climb back down the ladder and wonder off.

                            Soon they return and climb the ladder once more, looking at the almighty drop and from a backpack wo/man ties a rope and drops it on the other side. Down the rope wo/man goes and continues on the journey.

                            in short;
                            -See the wall or challenge
                            -Take time to get the right Tools/Skills
                            -Have another look and asses the Tools/Skills
                            -Needs more time to gain more Tools/Skills
                            -Return to challenge and breeze over with ease
                            -Carry on

                            All the Best
                            James
                            Aaahhhhh!

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Dear Brothers and Sisters,

                              I hope you will excuse the time between updates. Sifu mentioned in one of his messages to me that my problems might stem from my own intellectualization, so in an effort to test that theory, I have spent the last six weeks practicing at my deepest and following the rule of three. Every time any kind of doubt has crept into my mind, I have just observed its presence, and decided not to form an attachment to it.

                              In the last six weeks I haven’t had any issues with over training, moreover I have had sufficient energy to go to work, study, and even flirt with a few members of the fairer sex. I have had my small universe spontaneously activate a few times, and I’ve had some rather serendipitous events befall me as a result of the flow. I’m also consuming dairy products for the first time in a long time (I’ve developed lactose intolerance over the last six years); the other night I drank a rather large milk shake and I didn’t feel like I had a bunch of razor blades inside of my intestines.

                              Now for the bad news, I’m clearly deviating in my practice. For the past six weeks, I have had warning signs that my practice was incorrect, however in the interest of not worrying, not intellectualizing, and enjoying my practice, I have ignored them. I figured it was just my mind playing tricks on me, so I brushed them aside, and continued to practice to the best of my ability. Now I have quite a great deal of pain in my head all of the time. It’s not the good third eye opening kind of pain (I know that one quite well), it’s just bad, you’ve been training incorrectly kind of pain. I’m also having great difficulty sleeping. It’s not the you did too much force training before bed, and now you’re too charged up to sleep kind of thing (I know what this one feels like as well). It’s just that after I fall asleep, usually about forty to sixty minutes in I abruptly wake up with pain in my head, and I am unable to sleep further. I’m still quite tired, I just can’t fall back to sleep. I’ve tried doing lifting the sky in bed, but it doesn’t help.

                              I’m not really sure what to do. I think it’s clear that going into a deep chi-kung state of mind fixes all of my problems, but it’s also clear that I don’t know how to do it correctly anymore. I haven’t gone deep in several years, and I haven’t been taught how to do it in an even longer time. I really wish that I could attend an Intensive like they used to be taught six years ago; I am now more certain than ever that after three (or five) days of being taught how to go deep correctly, I would be perfectly fine afterward.

                              With that being said, Sifu no longer teaches that way, and it leaves me with a bit of a conundrum. Do I lower my level again (to prevent further deviation), and thereby likely return to being depleted and sickly? Or, do I continue to practice at my best, have sufficient energy to function, yet live in constant pain, as well as sleep deprivation? Frankly, both seem like terrible options.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Definitely over intellectualizing.

                                Chi Kung is so amazingly simple and profound.

                                I don't know why you are complaining that Sigung teaches at a lower level now. While Sigung does recommend practicing at a lower level nowadays he still gives us the tools to practice at any level we wish, whether that be 30% as is the recommended nowadays (I typically practice 10-30% depth) or full blast 100%. It is simple.

                                I feel that it is all in the depth of the Chi Kung state of mind that leads to a more powerful harnessing of my Chi. The Chi kung state of mind is easy, relax on all levels and clear your mind of all thoughts. The more clear, focused, and relaxed, the more depth is attained. It is simple!

                                The instructions are simple:

                                Stand upright

                                Relax

                                Smile from your heart

                                I bet that once you properly relax your head then it will stop hurting.



                                Originally posted by Lumberjack Dan View Post
                                Dear Brothers and Sisters,

                                I hope you will excuse the time between updates. Sifu mentioned in one of his messages to me that my problems might stem from my own intellectualization, so in an effort to test that theory, I have spent the last six weeks practicing at my deepest and following the rule of three. Every time any kind of doubt has crept into my mind, I have just observed its presence, and decided not to form an attachment to it.

                                In the last six weeks I haven’t had any issues with over training, moreover I have had sufficient energy to go to work, study, and even flirt with a few members of the fairer sex. I have had my small universe spontaneously activate a few times, and I’ve had some rather serendipitous events befall me as a result of the flow. I’m also consuming dairy products for the first time in a long time (I’ve developed lactose intolerance over the last six years); the other night I drank a rather large milk shake and I didn’t feel like I had a bunch of razor blades inside of my intestines.

                                Now for the bad news, I’m clearly deviating in my practice. For the past six weeks, I have had warning signs that my practice was incorrect, however in the interest of not worrying, not intellectualizing, and enjoying my practice, I have ignored them. I figured it was just my mind playing tricks on me, so I brushed them aside, and continued to practice to the best of my ability. Now I have quite a great deal of pain in my head all of the time. It’s not the good third eye opening kind of pain (I know that one quite well), it’s just bad, you’ve been training incorrectly kind of pain. I’m also having great difficulty sleeping. It’s not the you did too much force training before bed, and now you’re too charged up to sleep kind of thing (I know what this one feels like as well). It’s just that after I fall asleep, usually about forty to sixty minutes in I abruptly wake up with pain in my head, and I am unable to sleep further. I’m still quite tired, I just can’t fall back to sleep. I’ve tried doing lifting the sky in bed, but it doesn’t help.

                                I’m not really sure what to do. I think it’s clear that going into a deep chi-kung state of mind fixes all of my problems, but it’s also clear that I don’t know how to do it correctly anymore. I haven’t gone deep in several years, and I haven’t been taught how to do it in an even longer time. I really wish that I could attend an Intensive like they used to be taught six years ago; I am now more certain than ever that after three (or five) days of being taught how to go deep correctly, I would be perfectly fine afterward.

                                With that being said, Sifu no longer teaches that way, and it leaves me with a bit of a conundrum. Do I lower my level again (to prevent further deviation), and thereby likely return to being depleted and sickly? Or, do I continue to practice at my best, have sufficient energy to function, yet live in constant pain, as well as sleep deprivation? Frankly, both seem like terrible options.
                                Shaolin Wahnam USA

                                "Every morning you are born again. What you do today is the most important thing".

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